No and Not Now

There's this thing.  This thing that I have been praying about for a long time.  Nobody is sick or in trouble and nothing is wrong.  But this thing has been a constant prayer for me for what seems like forever.  And yes, it is something that would be good for me but it would be beneficial for others also.  Maybe even more of a blessing for others than it would be for me.  I don't talk about it much and when I do it is only with someone I can ask to pray with me and keep the information private.  While this thing would lead to other things to be prayed over because many other choices, decisions would have to be made, it is still an important thing to me.  Because isn't that how it works?  Any thing that happens impacts other things also?

I must admit that sometimes I do just stop thinking about it and try to be patient and know that God is always answering my prayers even though I don't really like the "no" or "not now" that I get.  But I trust Him.  I know that His plans are perfect.  I know that He has it all under control.  And that if He is saying no or not now then that is the best answer.  Maybe no one else ever struggles with these answers---but I do.

Mark 11: 24 tells us:   "Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them."  Maybe my belief isn't strong enough.  I know God CAN but maybe I don't truly believe that He WILL.  Perhaps He is waiting for me to have the faith that He has this thing under control.  Therefore, I shall change my prayer from "God, please make this thing happen" to "God, give me the faith and trust I need to allow You to take care of this thing in Your time and Your way."

I strive diligently not to be a worrier because I know that worrying really does no good.  So I'm not really worried about this thing either way.  And I do spend time camping out in Philippians 4:6-7: 6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. 7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."   I am so very thankful not only for what I do have  in my life but also for the things I don't have.  And I do feel God's peace.  The peace in knowing that He is right here with me, every step of the way.  The peace that He WILL work things out in a way that is best for all concerned--even if it is not what I think is best.  I'm so grateful for the fact that God sees the big picture.  And, really, I'm glad that I can't.  Because if I knew how everything would go over the years left in my life, I wouldn't need faith.  I wouldn't need to trust Him.

So if you have a minute, pray with me and for me to have that patience.  To have that knowledge deep in my heart that God will take care of this thing just as he has taken care of every other thing in my life so far.

Live the Life God gave to YOU

Hebrews 13:5
 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

We spend a lot of time with other people.  And sometimes, from the outside, another person's life looks so much better than ours.  One person gets to travel all over the world.  Another person just got a nice new house.  Someone else has the best spouse.  Those people never have to worry about money.  Feeling guilty yet?  Yes, I think we all look at other people and think that the life they have is easy, glamorous, fun.  Not like ours.  Not mundane, hard, lonely.

But...that is THEIR life.  That is the life God gave to them.  What you may not know, however, are the sacrifices or losses those other people have.  Maybe those people you envy never had children they longed for.   Maybe they are hiding a severe illness.  Maybe they  have lost their parents.  Maybe, just maybe, to them YOUR life looks pretty good.

God tells us to be content with our lives.  That HE is with us always and nothing else is of great consequence.  In Luke 12:15 we read "And he said unto them, Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth."  

It is not important to God for us to accumulate great wealth or possessions.  It is important to Him that we take whatever He has given us and use it to serve Him, to minister to others, to live a life that may lead someone else to see His goodness.

Am I going to say that I am never jealous?  Well, mercy me, that would be a big ole whopper!  But I have learned that God gives each of us what He wants us to have.  Will I ever have a brand new expensive home?  Very doubtful.  But I have had some time to work on renovations of our old run down home and it has brought lots of laughter and time together with my husband and, occasionally, our sons and friends.  Will I ever drive the top of the line vehicle?  No, that would be a waste of money; but I do have a vehicle that not only will carry all of my grandchildren but gave me the opportunity to travel some this summer with 3 of my aunts.  And we had a grand time!!  Do I sometimes wish for better or nicer things?  Of course I do.  Do I sometimes feel a little green because someone else got those things?   I must admit I do.  But then I remind myself that I don't know their entire story.  I don't know what they went through or went without to get to that place.

It is MY responsibility to live the life that God has designed for ME.  It is YOUR responsibility to live the life that God designed for YOU.  We won't all go through the same struggles or trials or heartaches.  But we will all go through some.  Isn't that what Jesus said in part of John 16:33 "In the world ye shall have tribulation..."?  Oh but look at the rest of that verse, "but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."    We need to strive every day to be as Paul and say "for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content."   And we can change that to say "whatever life I am given I will be content in living".

Let us all pray for one another that the desires of our heart will be the desires of God's heart.  And let us each be thankful for our life, our path, our journey.  My prayer is that God blesses you greatly and that you are very grateful for each of those blessings!

5 years or Yesterday?

Revelation 21:4 - And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

September 27, 2012.  That's the day my heart completely broke into.  I lay on the bed, I talked to her, much of her family surrounded her.  I had told her she could go weeks before.  I promised I would be ok.  I asked her to please tell Daddy that I kept my last promise to him--that I took care of her to the best of my ability.  That I stood strong in his stead.

She waited for her "adopted" daughter to get there to say good-bye.  Then she left.  Just like that--she breathed her last breath.  I felt her chest and it did not move.  I looked up at her older sister and said "she's gone."

I was prepared.  I knew it was coming.

Then I fell apart.  I cried tears I didn't know I had left.  I hurt so bad.  I wanted her back.  Not back sick, I wanted the Momma I had always had back.  The Momma who scolded me and encouraged me.  The Momma who was my friend. The Momma that cooked for me every weekend.  That Momma.  But she wasn't coming back and I couldn't stop the tears.  I couldn't call my brother; somebody else had to do that.  I couldn't get up.  I couldn't let go.

I COULD NOT STOP CRYING!

And I knew I wasn't crying for her--she was whole again, she was with Daddy again, she got to hold my baby sister and she got to sit at the feet of Jesus.  I was crying for ME!  Because in all honesty, my heart truly was completely broken.  I was an orphan.  I had, in one fell swoop,  lost my best friend, my advisor, my mom.

5 years have passed since that day.  I have only cried a handful of times since that weekend.  Sometimes I think I am just cried out.  And I miss her.  EVERY single day.  Anyone who has lost someone they loved dearly knows that feeling.  You know how little things bring them to your mind; how you sometimes dream about them at night and it feels so real you expect to see them; how you've picked up the phone to call only to realize that they are not going to answer.  You understand.  We can empathize with each other in our losses.

BUT---the good news is that there will come a day when I will see her again (and Daddy and meet my sister and see my grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins and friends who have gone home).  And God promised there would be NO TEARS.  None.  All pain will be gone.  My broken heart will be healed--my body will be perfect.  How exciting!  How I look forward to that day.  And if you are a child of God-- you do too.

AND, I'm not really an orphan.  He said He would be our Father:  Psalm 68:5:  A father of the fatherless... God is with me now, He was with me then and He will walk with me through the remainder of this life whether that is 30 minutes or 30 years.  That brings peace.  That brings hope.

So even though it often feels just  like yesterday since Momma left me here, a lot has happened in those 5 years.  The best part---my family has grown.  We had already gained one daughter, now I have 2 and three of the most precious grandchildren ever.  (I have no problems saying I am biased, but I can also give you a list of trouble areas!)   My heart made room for all of them, just around the cracks in it.  But I'm still looking forward to the day when we are all together again.  Yet, while I am waiting, I will trust in the Lord and know that His promises are true and thank Him every day for that!



Now this part is just funny. :)  Sunday we were in choir practice and we were singing "Build My Mansion" and the second part says "My mother's mansion may be close by me."  As we were singing that I thought, "I don't even NEED a mansion. If Momma's is close by then I'm going to be at her "house" all of the time anyway!!!  :)

"Dear God, my heart hurts"

Friday, September 22--first day of fall for 2017.  I looked at the weather forecast and it looks like it will be the first week of October before we are going to feel fall weather.  And I can tell you one thing, I look forward to those cooler temperatures for sure!

These days I have mixed feelings about fall.  It used to be my favorite time of year.  The cooler temps, the Friday nights of football, the opening of hunting season.  I loved watching the leaves change colors, making pots of soup, snuggling in a blanket.  Good things.  Fun things.  Happy things.

BUT, then there is the other side of fall.  The things that make it less of a favorite.  Both of my parents died in the fall.  Several other close family members died in the fall.  Less sunshine, more clouds, deeper depression.  Bad things. Heartbreaking things.  Sad things.

So every year I have to make a conscious decision as to how I am going to react.  And some years it is harder than others.  As I tried to pray the other night before bed all I could say was, "Dear God, my heart hurts."  No other words.  No other thoughts for others that needed prayers.

I know that was a selfish prayer but I also know that God hears all of our prayers--even when we are focused on ourselves.  Jeremiah 29:12 says "Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you."  He promised to hear our prayers and we know that God does not go back on His promises.  So that night as I lay there unable to sleep, unable to cry, unable to think beyond the pain, I started letting all of the sad thoughts go through my mind.  Then one of my favorite verses came into my mind--"For everything there is a season..." (Ecclesiates 3:1).  Ok, then.  This is just a season and then it will pass. But that verse finishes with "...and a time to every purpose under the heaven."

So over the next few days I thought about that word "purpose".  God has a purpose for everything we face, for every trial, for every triumph, for every valley and every mountain.  And I know there is a purpose for my hurting heart.  In time I will know, I will see, and I feel like I'm being shown a glimmer of the direction where all of that pain and loss can be used to bring glory to God.



As I said, I've always loved the changing of the colors of the leaves in the fall.  As they die it shows us that there is beauty in growing old and reaching the end of our time.  That even as we depart from our original purpose that we can still be of use.  So that is what I need to focus on.  The fact that we all have a cycle of life and there will be seasons and some will bring joy and some will bring sadness but they all come from God.  I want to be like one of those leaves.  I want to bring Him glory regardless of changes going on.  I want to be of use until I'm all used up.  That will be my goal this year.  To provide beauty in the form of a helping hand, a listening ear or a strong shoulder to those people God sends my way--that would be an excellent way to spend this fall!

Even though I miss my loved ones no longer with me (and all of you have someone you miss too!) I'm making an effort to focus on the beauty, on the good things, on the happy things.  Hopefully, I will find some time to get in the kitchen and make a pot of Momma's soup.  And if the hubby is VERY lucky, I might even make a bowl of popcorn crunch.  And the ache of my heart has eased a little because I recently was able to use my experiences to be a guide for someone else.

Thank you, Lord, for always hearing my prayers--even when very few word will come.

Midlife Crisis? Midlife Transition? Passage? Turning Point?

So here is where I am today.  Y'all know I'm straight with you.  So what you get is what it is.

I thought I had done all my midlife "crisising" at 30 and 35---which is not even considered midlife.  (That is now 45-65----in case you were wondering.)  Anyway, those birthdays, for some inexplicable reason rocked me hard.  40 was not bad.  50 was great.  So why, now, halfway through my 56th year of life am I struggling?  I kept thinking it was just the depression and maybe it was time to change my meds but as I was walking down the hall at work, it hit me.  Oh my word!  I must be having a midlife crisis!  So I got to thinking about what I know about midlife from the psychological, social and emotional points of view.  Then I began to look in my Bible to see what God's word had to say about it.  So here are some thoughts I've had....

Ecclesiates 3:1 says "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:" I kind of like talking about seasons in life.  We all know we go through some distinct periods like childhood, teen age years, all the way to late adulthood.  But we all also go through seasons--sometimes at different rates and sometimes simultaneously such as student, spouse, parent of young child, parent of teenager, parent to our parents etc.  So many roles--wife, mother, grandmother etc. Most of the time we know right where we are and what our responsibilities are.  But other times we are just at a loss.  I think midlife may be one of those times.  What exactly am I doing?  Is my career as important as it once was?  Is it still fulfilling?  And what about my role as parent?  Am I still necessary?  What is my role as a grandmother?  So in this season, why do I feel a little loss?

I looked at the "signs" of a midlife "You ask yourself some deep, probing questions.  You feel as if you're slowly losing your mind.  You feel like life is one big pile of blah.  You feel as if your best years are behind you."  And so on and so forth. (Woman's Day, April 14, 2017)  And yes, all of these things apply to me.  So there we are.  Or rather, here I am.

I do know that men and women deal with midlife differently and one thing women often focus on is our looks.  Society says youth is beautiful.  Wrinkles, sagging skin and crows feet are not.  But God tells us this will happen.  "For all flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of grass. The grass withereth, and the flower thereof falleth away:" 1Peter 1:24  So we know this is going to happen but even then, it is hard.  Yet, when we think of the most beautiful mature women we know, we seldom can tell you about wrinkles or the circles under their eyes.  Their beauty comes from inside.  It is made up of their love for God, for family and if we are really lucky, for us.  Not from Botox or some magic potion. So why is this so hard for us to accept for ourselves?  I even venture to guess that if you asked those very women if they thought they were beautiful they may say "I once was."  But they don't see it themselves.  So as I look at every line and wrinkle and dark spot, I have to remember that the "flower...falleth away."  It will be ok.  I will just slather on my moisturizing lotions and put on my makeup.  And then not look in the mirror again.  ha ha

One morning I was viewing a video on the 7 things that are done by effective people.  I can do some of those things but a couple of them discussed these questions.  If you were able to stand over yourself at your funeral, what would YOU say about you?  Would you be pleased with the life you lived, with what you did for others, for the work of God?  And what do you say your priorities are and how does that to compare to how you spend your time?  Which made me think of the Dr. Laura quote "What do you want to do between now and dead?"  But that is part of my problem.  There is SO much I want to do between now and dead.  So many other things I want to try.  Other ways I want to serve.

So pray with me as I work through the transitions that many of you  have navigated already and the rest will have to look forward to facing.  And pray for those who have to deal with me on a day to day basis that we can each understand what the other is facing.  I really can't imagine going through this passage without my family and my friends.  And I will keep camping in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end."

Which Question Will You Ask?

This is from one of my favorite passages in the Bible.  I've worked on this for several days because there is so much in this chapter but I knew there was no way to cover everything in this chapter.  So I chose a little bit to look at.  The questions are Who is at Fault? and Can this be used for God's glory?  I think you'll understand more at the end.

John 9

1 And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth. 2 And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?                                                                                                                        

Too often, when something bad happens, people ask "Who is at fault for this?" They wonder what has a person, family, group, etc. done to have bad things happen to them.  The disciples were the same way.  When they saw the man who had been blind from birth, they wanted to know who was at fault.  Did this man do something before he was born to cause his blindness?  Did his parents do something that led to their son being born blind?  Remember, the disciples were just plain men, just like we are, so it was just out of their unknowing that they would ask.  We do the same thing.  We don't know all there is to know about God's plans for our lives or the lives of others.  We don't know why some people who are God's children seem to face trial after trial. We, like the disciples, ask out of ignorance-out of unknowing.

Matthew Henry states:  "We must take heed of judging any to be great sinners merely because they are great sufferers, lest we be found, not only persecuting those whom God has smitten, but accusing those whom he has justified, and condemning those for whom Christ died, which is daring and dangerous."

We need to be careful when we put forth our condemnations of others saying that everything that has happened was brought upon them by themselves.  We don't know that.  We only know what God allows us to know at any point.  The disciples were the same way.

But then Jesus gave them some important information.

3 Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.

It is not this man's fault.  It is not his parents' fault.  It is for GOD to be able to show His strength and His mercy to the people.  Many times we each face hardships because God will use it to His glory! 

Jesus went on to say:

4 I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work. 5 As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.

And then Jesus gave the blind man his sight.  Imagine the joy that man must have felt!  He wanted to tell everyone about what had happened!  Just as we should want to tell everyone about what happened to us.  Though not physically blind, we are all spiritually blind until Jesus gives us sight.  Of course, no one believed this man. Sometimes we also have trouble believing when God has worked the great work of salvation in someone.  But just like this man now could physically see, when we accept Jesus as our Savior now we can spiritually see.  And what a change that sight should bring to all of our lives!

The Pharisees didn't want to believe that Jesus had given the man his sight and questioned him over and over.  I can almost hear the frustration in the man's voice when he said in verse 27 "...I have told you already, and ye did not hear: wherefore would ye hear it again? will ye also be his disciples?"  He had already told them what had happened and Who had healed him--more than once.  But they just didn't want to believe.  Remember they hated Jesus and never wanted Him to be glorified.  Yet, this man, blind from birth who now could see, just kept saying Glory to God! In verse 33 he said  "If this man were not of God, he could do nothing."  And they cast the man out.  But this was not the end of his story.

35-38 Jesus heard that they had cast him out; and when he had found him, he said unto him, Dost thou believe on the Son of God? He answered and said, Who is he, Lord, that I might believe on him? And Jesus said unto him, Thou hast both seen him, and it is he that talketh with thee.  And he said, Lord, I believe. And he worshipped him.

I am so thankful to serve a God who can give us our sight.  I'm even more thankful to know that when we face trials and tribulations they can be used to bring glory to God. So that others can see His work in and through us.  Through our faith, our perserversance, our knowledge that He and He alone will see us though every situation.  Let's be careful as we see suffering that we don't do like the disciples and ask whose fault this is.  Let us instead pray to be able to see God's work.  Let us look at trials and heartaches in our lives and the lives of others as a way for God to be glorified.  Let us, like the blind man, trust in Jesus and let His light shine through us so that others might see.

So now, when faced with trials will you ask, Whose fault is this? or "Can this be used for God's glory?

The Bumps in the Road

As we were returning home today from a weekend spent in Conway, Arkansas, we ran through some pretty rough rain.  Now, even though June 5th is our 35th wedding anniversary, don't be mislead into thinking this was an anniversary trip.  This was a trip for Mark to run Biskit in a dog trial (he didn't do well at all the first day and some things there is just no coming back from) but Mark invited me along so I went and spent part of 2 days watching tv.  He did, however, feed me well each evening and let me go shopping for him some shoes.  :)  He is so sweet that way!

The driving had to be hard on Mark because there was lots of traffic and it was hard to see so I know he would have rather the sun had been shining or at least that the rain would stop.  And I was sitting in the passenger seat with my bare feet propped up in the window, I was trying to hide the fact that the weather and the traffic were making me a bit nervous.  But never once did I think, nor did I hear Mark say, "This is just too hard and I think we should just pull off the road and forget about driving any more."  No matter how hard the rain fell, or how thick the traffic got, we stayed in the truck just trudging along.   A time or two we would see a sign that would warn us of a bump ahead; but the worst bumps came with no warning.

Anyway, as we were driving through the rain and the construction and the rough road, I just got to thinking about marriage in general and our marriage in particular.  There have been times in our 35 years of marriage when the rain fell pretty hard.  We had struggles.  We had trials.  We had sons.  All of that can put a damper on things.   There were times when we knew a bump was coming--a terminally ill parent or transition in parenting roles.  But there were many times when we didn't see that particular bump up ahead and it was rough.  One of those that bounces you up to hit your head on the ceiling even though you are buckled in.  Those bumps that take your breath away.  The kind that make you cry even when you are trying not to do so.  And, there were some potholes along the way and lots of traffic--especially on those days of us meeting each other in the road.  But in those times neither of us said, "This is too hard.  I think we should just bail out of this and forget the rest of the journey."  We hung in there, together.  We prayed.  We talked.  We worked through things.  We stood together when an outside force was the cause of the problem.  We repeated in our minds that we didn't promise each other to stay only through the good and healthy.  We said we'd stay through the worse and the sickness.

[Let me stop here and say I know there are somethings that you can't get over or through--abuse being the number one of those.  I'd never tell somebody they had to stay in an abusive relationship although I know many women who stood firm and trusted God and got to watch Him take that abusive man and save him and make him a wonderful husband and father.]

Back to the thoughts I was having....How easy it would have been to just pull over today and wait out the rain.  But we couldn't.  We had commitments we had to honor.  And it would have been easy many days to pack up and walk out.  But we didn't.  We had commitments we had to honor.  We had made a 3 way covenant between each of us and God.  We made vows.  More than a contract----a covenant.

So here we are.  35 years later.  35 exciting, interesting, sometimes hard years.  We have grown so much in these 35 years.  We've learned a LOT in these 35 years.  Would I do it all again?  For sure!!  (Have you seen my beautiful grandchildren!?!)  Would I like to have 35 more?  I will take every year that God has in store for us!  There may be more bumps along the way.  But together, the 3 of us can continue to abide as one.  Happy Anniversary to us.  Thank you, Lord, for never leaving us on our own!

Genesis 2:24 - "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

Ecclesiastes 4:12 "... a threefold cord is not quickly broken."

Time WON'T Slow Down

James 4:14

“... For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.”

{This blog, like every one I write, is a reminder to myself as much as hopefully a message someone else needs to hear. :) }

I see so many posts, especially from young mothers, with the request “time please slow down”.  And I understand what they are wanting—their “babies” are not helpless babies any more.  They are growing into toddlers, preteens, teens, young adults.  I REALLY do understand.  As I write this we are only weeks away from my two turning 32 and 33.  That is the point of this blog.

Time is not going to slow down.  It is going to keep moving at the same rate of 24 hours a day, 12 months a year.  The newborn you hold today will be showing great signs of independence one year from now.  That is why it is so important to enjoy, to experience, to really live each day you have with your children.  If you have to choose between sweeping under your bed and rocking, playing, or reading with your child, leave the dust bunnies to reproduce.  You can clean them out while they are in college. (And since I am one I can say this—if your mother in law or anyone else is concerned with the dust under your bed, they can come clean it while you spend time with your child!!)

However,  I do often find it contradictory that while parents keep wanting time to slow down, they do everything they can to speed up the lives of their children.  Quite often, I-phones, I-pads, laptops are owned by children before they are 2.  They are put in formal, all day learning institutions (not just day care--- school) by 3 or 4 years of age.  By 5, children are expected to behave as adults, to think as adults, to be able to comprehend as adults.  Little girls---6,7, and 8 years old---are wearing the same clothes as the teenage girls.  Teenage girls at 15 dress and try to look like they are 25.  We push our high school students to take all the courses they can, including college courses, so that they are able to graduate from college by 19 or 20.  Then we send them into the world before they are socially or emotionally ready to take on the role of adulthood.  What is the rush?  Is this perhaps why time seems to fly by?

I talked to a young father who was going to be coaching t-ball this summer about what was going to be his goal for the children. And he said, “I want them to have fun.  I don’t care if they sit and play in the grass.”  I hugged him and told him I totally agreed (I already knew he was a good guy!!).  He was right.  That is all 3-4 year olds should be worried about while playing.  Have fun and don’t get hurt or hurt somebody else.  99.9% of these kids won’t even play college ball much less make this their professions.  And that is true for all the extra curricular activities that children do.  They are probably not going to be professional singers, dancers, MMA fighters, cheerleaders or any other type of athlete.  But one day, they are going to be grown.  They are going to be out of your house.  They will grow up to be doctors, nurses, teachers, lawyers, business people, garbage men and police officers. 

So when your t-baller would rather go see the grandparents or go potty than play an inning, it will be ok.  When they are not interested in chasing after the ball, that is ok too.  Don’t jerk them into the dugout like they are old enough to understand.  When your 7-year-old decides 4 years of dance is enough for them, let them move on to something else.  And, for goodness sake, don’t so overschedule your kids so they don’t have time to be kids!  If you don’t want time to pass by so quickly, then stop, sit down, play, talk, spend time with your child.  Listen to music, talk to them about God, take them to visit their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.  Get the idea?  You can’t slow down the movement of the clock but you can make memories now that you and your children will have in years to come.  As the parent of adult children some of the best times for me are when they say, “remember when we….?”  Or “I heard a song today and it made me think of the time we….”  Memories---make them, savor them, save them up.  One day you will be glad, so very glad, that you did.  And if time is going too quickly for you, then remember the song lyrics sung by Billy Dean that say…

“So let them be little, cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love, every day.
Let em cry, let em giggle, let them sleep in the middle.
Oh, just let them be little”.

One of my favorite poems is below.  I remember reading it many years ago.  If you notice the dates of the author’s life you will see this is not a new phenomenon.

MAKING A MAN

Nixon Waterhouse (1859-1944)

Hurry the baby as fast as you can,
Hurry him, worry him, make him a man.
Off with his baby clothes, get him in pants,
Feed him on brain foods and make him advance.
Hustle him, soon as he's able to walk,
Into a grammar school; cram him with talk.
Fill his poor head full of figures and facts,
Keep on a-jamming them in till it cracks.
Once boys grew up at a rational rate,
Now we develop a man while you wait,
Rush him through college, compel him to grab,
Of every known subject a dip and a dab.
Get him in business and after the cash
All by the time he can grow a mustache.
Let him forget he was ever a boy,
Make gold his god and its jungle his joy,
Keep him a-hustling and clear out of breath,
Until he wins---nervous prostration and death.

Don’t rush those babies.  YOU slow down and it will seem that time will too.  Love them now, love them well.  Thirty years from now you will be glad you did! 

Mountain Top vs the Valley

I think it is time for us to rethink the idea of whether we would rather be on the mountain top or in the valley.  The more I study on this, the more I think we may have it backwards.  Walk through this with me and see what you think.

One of my favorite songs is God on the Mountain.  And in this song it says "The God on the mountain is the God in the valley... The God of the good times is still God in the bad times."  I believe that God is the same no matter where we are but here is my question--Why do we think the mountain top is the best place to be?  

Here is a picture of a mountain top.  Look at it.  Nothing is alive... nothing is growing... it is a barren, rocky place.  Why would you want to be there?

I understand that we often equate being on the mountain top with being closer to God or having overcome some trial.  That somehow we have made the climb with God's help and now we are conquerors.  And, yes, the view from the top is beautiful.  But is that all you want?  Is your only goal to reach the top and look at the view from that point on?  Not me.

Now, let's look at this valley.  See the lush green growth?  See the life sustaining water flowing through it?  It has to be in the valley where growing occurs.  So, is that why we don't like the valleys?  Because we know so much of our growth comes through trials and temptations?  Through times that we would rather not have to face?  

But, don't we want to grow?  Don't we want to learn more about God, to grow closer to Him, to recognize our need for Him everyday?  Do I mean that I look forward to those hard times in life?  Absolutely not!  Just like most people, I would not mind floating through life with never a worry or trial or problem.  But, I DO want to grow.  I want to see God working IN me and THROUGH me.  I want to overcome all of these horrible things in my human nature.  I want to grow more Christlike day by day and that is not an easy path.

I know many times we read that it is on the mountain top where we meet with God.   But, really, when do call on God more?  In times of exhilaration, in those all-is-right-in-my-world moments?  If we are honest, we know the answer is no.  We call on God, we beg for His help, His guidance, we ask Him to carry us when we are in the midst of the valley.  We seek Him more often when going through a trial than we do in the good times.  When He is shaping us, working His will in us down in that valley, it is all to work for His good, to His glory but to our benefit.  

I think, then, that even though I love those moments of exhilaration, that I will not fret over my time in the valley.  I will look at it as God taking time to teach me what I need to know.  I will dig my feet into that rich soil and take advantage of the stream nearby.  I will allow myself to be more rooted in Him and to grow--to become what God wants me to become.  I want to be able to feel the joy that comes with blooming through God's grace and mercy.  I need the growth and the pruning to fulfill the purpose God has for me.  I NEED the valley!

May God bless you in a special way today!!

The Quote on the Wall

As I was riding with a friend through Jackson one day, I saw a quote painted on the side of a building.  And while I was not seeking to find some inspiration or motivation out the window, this just happened to catch my eye.  I tend to believe that sometimes we see things we've missed before because it wouldn't have meant the same thing at another period of life.

Now, blues fan or not, I would expect that most people would recognize the name BB King.  And even though I don't look to him for guidance, he is the author of this quotes that caught my eye.  He said, one month before his 87th birthday, "There are so many sounds I still want to make, so many things I haven't yet done."  Of course he is talking about his musical career.  And while I am not a musician and don't make "sounds" for generations of people to listen to, this quote did resonate with me.  Because there really are so many things I want to do before my life is over.  When people are discussing retirement and ask me what I think I want to do when I get to retire, they better have a long time for me to give them that answer.  ha ha

I don't think many people ever have the chance to truly live all their biggest dreams or to check everything off their bucket list.  I think that list is kind of like goals we set for ourselves---when we get closer to that goal, we either replace it with a new one or make the original goal a little harder.  As we have the opportunity to do some of those bucket list items, we simply add a new thing at the bottom!

So I decided maybe I should take some time to reflect on some of those "many things I haven't done yet."  I would like to say that I could put them in order from what I most want to do to what I will do if there is time left.  But I can't.  Because it seems like from day to day, the priorities change.

However, while I am going over this list in my mind, I happened to think--"that is all fine but have you thought about what God might have for you to do?  Do you think maybe He has a bucket list for you to complete?"  I do believe God has a plan and I do believe He will reveal it in His time.

Psalms 32:8 says "I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye."  He will guide us.  He will guide ME.  Many of the things that I think I'd like do would be a type of ministry--my ultimate being able to travel with a dear friend and the two of us speak at women's conferences.  But whatever it is that God has in store, I want to be ready and willing to do.

Each day I must pray that the many things I haven't done yet that I wish to do will be in God's will and part of His plan for my life.  But if not, I know wherever He leads will be just the right place for me!

Psalms 37:23 - "The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way."  This should truly be our bucket list--to have our steps arranged by the Lord and to be delighted in whatever way He sends us!

Lord, Make Me a Titus 2 woman

Titus 2

3The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;4That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,5To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

More and more often my mirror reminds me that I have left the category of the young women and moved into the aged.  And while I know that I am not as old as some, I do believe I have reached the part of my life where it is my responsibility to have an influence on the younger women in the church, at work and in society.

Now, let's be clear here--I have never been and will never be a perfect wife and mother.  But, perhaps some of my bad decisions, missed opportunities and just plain stupid stuff could save someone else from dealing with the consequences of such actions.  You can read these verses and, especially those that know me well, you can see all my failures.  But, the good news is, through God's grace and love and maturing in so many areas, I can see and accept those failures and perhaps offer some advice.
So here are just a few things I want to share with the young wives and mothers.  These early years of marriage and motherhood can be filled with troubles and trials.  There will be days when you will wonder why you ever even considered being a wife and mother.  Every wife/mother has!  It is during the early years that many of the hard times occur.  But those years go by quickly so enjoy them!

"be in behavior as becometh holiness,"
"...to be sober..."

In today's society we tend to think of being sober as not being drunk or not using alcohol but that is actually addressed in verse 2.  The definition I think this is referring to is the one that says "marked by sedate or gravely or earnestly thoughtful character or demeanor or marked by temperance, moderation, or seriousness " (Merriam-Webster)  Giving thought to God's words, following His guidelines, meditating and talking and listening to God. Does this mean walk around with a frown on your face all the time?  Certainly not. Those of you who know me well know that laughter is a big part of who I am.  However, it is not a bad idea to take some time with God before making decisions.  It is good to wait and not jump in with both feet at every opportunity. Just think things through carefully and seek His guidance--especially for those big life decisions----should I marry and if so who should I choose?  Is this the career choice I want to make?  Am I ready to be a parent and how will I deal with the changes that brings into my life?  Just some serious thought for those serious times.

"...to love their husbands..."

This one should be easy, right?  Hmmmm....well, sometimes those rose colored glasses slip and you begin to see some faults in that perfect man! (Don't be surprised if he begins to see some of yours too!!)  So, since he is not everything you wanted him to be, God will understand if you decide not to stay. Right?   I mean, good grief, could God possibly want me to live with this man who not only snores but also leaves his dirty socks on the floor?  The answer to that is "yes".  You made the choice, you made the commitment.  Love is an action.  So even when he is not quite perfect, you still love him.  When he forgets to put gas in the car---you still love him.  When he lets the pets track mud into your clean house---you still love him.  When his hair is thinning and his waist is growing---you love him.  So, part of the job of the older women is to show the younger women that while there will be bad times, you still just love him (you don't have to like his behavior) and you hang in there because years down the road you will really be glad you did.  (As a side note, you will see that the more you love your husband, the more he will love you.  Win/Win!!)

"...to love their children..."

Again, a no-brainer, right?  What mother, especially a God-fearing mother, would not love her children?   But what does that really mean, to love your child?  To make sure they have the best of everything?  To never allow them to fail?  To teach them they are #1 and anyone who disagrees with that just doesn't know much?  Of course, you already know the answers.  What does the Bible tell us about rearing our children?   Proverbs 22:6 says Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."  What is the way he should go?  The way of the Lord.  And it does not say to train a child in the right way and they will never make a mistake.  But when your child does make a bad decision, you still love them.  You still claim them as your child.  If God only loved us when we were perfect, would only be our Father as long as we pleased Him, where would that leave you today?  Yeah, me too.  Love your children.  Hug them.  Ruffle their hair.  Let them know that nothing can ever cause them to no longer be your child.  And that loved child, who sees parents love each other, has a better chance of understanding both of those things in their own adulthood.

"...to be discreet, chaste..."

Merriam Webster defines the word discreet as: "having or showing discernment or good judgment in conduct and especially in speech:"  "unpretentious, modest."  These are not words we hear much about anymore.  Showing some discernment, making good choices--that is discretion.  Chaste is defined as:  "pure in thought and act".  Clean speech, clean thoughts, clean acts--wow, this is getting pretty tough isn't it?  What happens when you allow your mind to go places it shouldn't go?  That is right, it goes there easier next time.  I despise profanity (y'all know my opinion) but I hate it even worse in a female.  We are the nurturers.  If you present yourself as a Christ follower and the younger women hear you using expletives and coarse language, what kind of example are you setting?  Be discreet.  Be chaste.  "...whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God,"  Don't be getting all offended here...God is all up on my toes too!

"...keepers at home..."

In his commentary, John Gill says this means "minding their own family affairs, not gadding abroad; and inspecting into, and busying themselves about other people's matters. This is said in opposition to what women are prone unto. "  Isn't that funny?  God already knew we women were going to be prone to gossip and being busybodies!!!  But each woman is to be concerned with her own home.  If you are truly loving your husband and children, do you really have much time to be concerned with what is going on in some other woman's house?  No, you don't.  It is our responsibility to look after our own families.  I guess it was nice way of saying to just mind our own business!!

"...good, obedient to their own husbands..."

OK, here we go.  This is the one you've been waiting for, isn't it?  Didn't you really just expect me to skip it?  Well, I'm not.  But I do know why God's plan was for the AGED women to do this part.  Just hang in here for a minute, ok?  When we were planning our wedding, my precious uncle who was preforming the ceremony gave me several books with vows and readings that could be used.  I remember telling him that I would NOT say obey!!  Don't even try.  So we inserted the word "encourage" in its place. Unfortunately,  I have even failed at that quite often in 35 years!  Back to that word OBEY,  God did not say be a doormat.  He did not say obey every man, He only said a woman had to be obedient to her OWN husband.  So, yeah, there are some times when you can tell a fella--You are not the boss of me!!  Now, take a few minutes and walk through this with me.  Love your husband, love your children, tend to your home.  If you are doing these things, is it really that hard to let your husband be the leader in the family?
All the remodeling we have been doing has given me ample opportunities to work on this.  Some things I knew exactly how I wanted and the hubby was fine with that.  Some things I had an idea of what I wanted but couldn't quite put it into words.  So, quite often, while we were discussing something my response would be "what do you think?"  And then he would just go with it.  There were times when he would tell me to come hold this or that, or would I rather have it look like this or that, but mostly I just stood in awe of how he was making my dream come true.  Just by not arguing or stomping my foot and saying it had to be my way!!  And even though we are not finished, the biggest part is done.  And every day I walk in there and say "This is exactly how I wanted this to look!"  I couldn't have done this project alone.  I couldn't have told a stranger what I wanted.  But, when I let this man who knows me better than anyone, make decisions, be the leader, I got exactly what I wanted.  Amazing, isn't it?

"...that the word of God be not blasphemed."

Cambridge Dictionary defines blasphemy as "to use offensive words or make statements that show no respect for God or religion."  Whoa!  You mean if we don't do those things above it is considered blasphemy?  That is what the end of verse 5 says.  But we would never purposely do something that would be blasphemous!  Probably not, but have we been NOT doing some things that are?  Again, this is why the AGED women are to be the teachers of this--because in our youthful ignorance or selfishness or hard-headedness, we are not very open to these scriptures.  In our youth we want to do what we want, however we want, when we want, period.  It is only as we mature spiritually that we begin to realize that we were doing things all wrong.  I do not want to be held accountable for blasphemy and I don't think that you do either.  So here I, as an AGED woman, want to provide some help for the younger women.

I hope you take the time to really examine this scripture and hold yourself to these standards.  I will continue to work on myself as well.  Sore toes will be worth the joy that comes from what God had planned all along.