Not my strength but His

"...My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness..." 2 Corinthians 12:9 (in part)

A few years ago God started me on a journey that I had no desire to take.  That journey will end with just a few more appointments and signatures.  It has been a long road--sometimes difficult, sometimes tiring, sometimes frustrating--but one that I'm now thankful I got to travel.  Nothing about this journey and its completion is because of me or anything I did.  It is all because of the strength that God provided along the way.  

The beginning was really many years ago when my dad's health starting the final downhill slide.  Many days I'd teach all day, drive to Oxford and spend the night in the ICU waiting room, leave at 5 a.m. to get home, shower and go back to work.  Once Daddy was in Grenada at least the drive was much less and I could go sleep in my own bed although every day started and ended at his bedside.  My Momma was so faithful to him, rarely leaving the hospital and certainly setting a high bar for those around her.  I was fortunate enough to be with my Daddy when he left this world for the next and was quite surprised at how peaceful it was.

Fast forward a few years.  Momma's health began declining not longer after Daddy died--I feel certain to this day it was grief--and I began to notice some things that I had hoped we would avoid.  She managed to live alone for several years with only occasional incidents--like starting a fire in the kitchen when she left something cooking and went outside where she decided to mow the lawn.  Thankfully, a cousin saw the smoke, called it in and the fire department got there and put it out.  This was the beginning of the end.

BUT--before we started the hardest part of Momma's illness, my Aunt Judy had a stroke.  She had been married to my Daddy's brother and they had no children of their own.  Her siblings had both passed away and she was pretty much alone.  So when she got settled in at the hospital someone who knew her well knew I belonged to her so I got the call.  For the next 2 1/2 to 3 years, I became responsible for Aunt Judy.  Since she had not made any preparation for such an event, I spent much time over the years with lawyers and judges and bank personnel.  Thankfully, she was able to get the kind of care that she needed until her death in early August.

Intermingled with all of this, Momma reached a point where she could no longer live alone so she moved into assisted living.  Fortunately she had completed the paperwork for power of attorney but now all of her financial responsibilities became my responsibility.  (Please be aware that none of this is out of pity for myself--just sharing the facts with you.)  We went through some "interesting" times as Momma's illness progressed and I learned early on it was easier just to laugh so that I did not spend all of  my time crying. I did the best I knew to do for her and in the end, I was right by her when she drew her final breath as well.  My parents gave me the beginning of my life and I was able to be with them at the end of theirs.  I count that as a blessing. 

My cousin, who had been a huge help to me with Aunt Judy, and I spent the last few hours of Judy's life with her in the nursing home.  I went home for a nap and knew when the phone rang at midnight that her battle was over.  I also knew my Uncle Garland was waiting for her and wondering why she took so long.

While I had some wonderful support from my husband and children, my extended family, my friends and the best bunch of prayer warriors ever--I often felt like I was an only child with 2 mothers.  So a "normal" weekday for me would be--go to work at 7:30; leave work, go by nursing home to check on Aunt Judy, go to assisted living to visit with Momma, go home, fix supper, come back to work at night and collapse when I got back home.  Now that it is all over, I can't imagine how it all got done--there is no more free time in my days now than then.  But... I really know how it got done.  And that takes me back to the verse in 2 Corinthians.   I didn't have the strength on my own.  But I did have God's grace and God's strength.  He never once let me down, He never got so tired of hearing my prayers that He stopped listening, He never--NEVER--left me on my own.  What a wonderful blessing!  I don't have to wonder if God is big enough to handle whatever comes along-- I know for a fact He is.  And that is a truth for which I am truly thankful.

I still cry sometimes--for myself-- because I miss those loved ones who have left this earth.  And the tears are strictly for me (although I do wish my parents could have met my grandson) because I know they are together and walking and talking with Jesus waiting for the rest of us.  I'm pretty sure if there is any southern gospel singing going on in Heaven that Daddy and Momma are enjoying that too. 

I may never know on this side of heaven why I was given this road to walk.  Maybe it is so I can help someone else as others helped me.  Maybe it was for me to learn to put someone else ahead of myself.  Maybe it was just to make me trust God more.  All I know is now that the journey is almost over, I hope I am a better person for it.  Because I just know, there has to be a reason...

"...we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28