Dear Lord,
We've been through a rough few years. We've had to say good-bye for now to some of the people we love most in this world. We've spent time in places we never wanted to be. We've made bad decisions and had to face the consequences of those decisions. We've dealt with illnesses and trials and heartbreak. And even though at times it felt like You were very far away, You were right there holding each of us up through every trial. So today, Lord, as I am with those I love most I want to thank You. I thank You for this bounty of food I have been able to prepare. I thank You for a warm house. I thank You for our precious grandson who has already brought so much joy into our lives. I thank You for my children, for the ones you've brought into their lives to love them, and for the love we all share with one another. I thank You for precious friends, those we've known all of our lives and those who have only recently become part of every day existence. I thank You for my husband and the life and love we've shared for most of our lives. I thank You for my extended family and the love we all have for one another. I thank You most for salvation and that You were willing to die for my sins.
As we end this year shortly, help us to always be reminded of Your grace and mercy. Help us to extend grace and mercy to all those who come into our lives. Help us to be ever mindful of the blessings that come into our lives every single day--not just those momentous occasions but also those seemingly small things that make our lives complete. Bless us this day and keep all those we love safe and filled with Your peace on this Thanksgiving Day.
In Jesus name and for His sake,
Amen
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Monday, September 23, 2013
Spiraling Downward
"Fits of depression come over the most of us.
Usually cheerful as we may be, we must at intervals be cast down. The
strong are not always vigorous, the wise not always ready, the brave not
always courageous, and the joyous not always happy." Charles Spurgeon
Only people who have experienced true depression can understand what it is really like. And many who know nothing about it consider it a weakness--or worse, signs of an unsaved or backslidden person. But that is far from true. Depression is a medical condition that is caused by a chemical imbalance. It is a disease just like cancer or heart disease or diabetes. Not asked for and not wanted--like every other sickness in the world. An individual with depression can treat it through therapy and/or medication but sometimes even that is not enough. After years of taking a particular medication the body can build up a tolerance rendering the medication useless.
That is where I find myself now. And while I have made an appointment with my doctor for later in the week, its the "right now" that I want to share with you. This is the part of the illness that is most troubling. The time when you want to control everything you are feeling but, even though you try, you just can't hide it from everybody. This is the time when you try so hard to put on a happy face. To smile like you mean it--to act interested in what somebody is saying--to appear to enjoy what you are doing. You go to work or school or church or the grocery store like you have it all together. Those who truly know you---know there is something amiss. They see that the light is not there. They see that the smile doesn't quite make it to your eyes. They know that your contacts aren't really giving you trouble. Or your allergies. Or that song. And so, you try even harder to hide it because you don't want anybody to know. You want to pretend that all is well in your little world. You don't want questions or concern and most certainly not pity. You really just want to go inside yourself. To hide from the rest of the world. To find the strength to battle the demon that is trying so hard to take over. To find some relief...
I've never been ashamed to share the fact that I take medication for depression. I honestly think it is one of the things that helps me be a helper to so many others---because I know what it feels like. I know how it feels to have reached the end of your rope and feel the knot slipping. I know how it feels to wish you could just disappear. I understand. And that is probably the reason I wanted to share this. Maybe you have these feelings; maybe it is someone you love who does. However, it is important to remember that there is help available. That you can take it on and fight it. That it doesn't have to determine everything about your life.
So if for the past few months I've seemed a little stand-offish or too negative or just downright irritable and mean--I hope you'll forgive me. I hope you'll hang in there until the meds are changed and my mood begins to lift. You don't have to try to understand because you probably can't. And you can't fix it for me and you can't stop it from happening. Just bear with me. I hope you'll do the same for anybody else who is standing in my shoes---even if its you.
And if nothing else comes out of this downward spiral, I do know that I have had to draw closer to the One who holds me in His hands. Because during these periods He seems so far away, but I know He is there--He made that promise!! And even if His reasons are not always known-- I always know He has a plan.
Only people who have experienced true depression can understand what it is really like. And many who know nothing about it consider it a weakness--or worse, signs of an unsaved or backslidden person. But that is far from true. Depression is a medical condition that is caused by a chemical imbalance. It is a disease just like cancer or heart disease or diabetes. Not asked for and not wanted--like every other sickness in the world. An individual with depression can treat it through therapy and/or medication but sometimes even that is not enough. After years of taking a particular medication the body can build up a tolerance rendering the medication useless.
That is where I find myself now. And while I have made an appointment with my doctor for later in the week, its the "right now" that I want to share with you. This is the part of the illness that is most troubling. The time when you want to control everything you are feeling but, even though you try, you just can't hide it from everybody. This is the time when you try so hard to put on a happy face. To smile like you mean it--to act interested in what somebody is saying--to appear to enjoy what you are doing. You go to work or school or church or the grocery store like you have it all together. Those who truly know you---know there is something amiss. They see that the light is not there. They see that the smile doesn't quite make it to your eyes. They know that your contacts aren't really giving you trouble. Or your allergies. Or that song. And so, you try even harder to hide it because you don't want anybody to know. You want to pretend that all is well in your little world. You don't want questions or concern and most certainly not pity. You really just want to go inside yourself. To hide from the rest of the world. To find the strength to battle the demon that is trying so hard to take over. To find some relief...
I've never been ashamed to share the fact that I take medication for depression. I honestly think it is one of the things that helps me be a helper to so many others---because I know what it feels like. I know how it feels to have reached the end of your rope and feel the knot slipping. I know how it feels to wish you could just disappear. I understand. And that is probably the reason I wanted to share this. Maybe you have these feelings; maybe it is someone you love who does. However, it is important to remember that there is help available. That you can take it on and fight it. That it doesn't have to determine everything about your life.
So if for the past few months I've seemed a little stand-offish or too negative or just downright irritable and mean--I hope you'll forgive me. I hope you'll hang in there until the meds are changed and my mood begins to lift. You don't have to try to understand because you probably can't. And you can't fix it for me and you can't stop it from happening. Just bear with me. I hope you'll do the same for anybody else who is standing in my shoes---even if its you.
And if nothing else comes out of this downward spiral, I do know that I have had to draw closer to the One who holds me in His hands. Because during these periods He seems so far away, but I know He is there--He made that promise!! And even if His reasons are not always known-- I always know He has a plan.
So maybe it is like the writer said in Psalm 119:71 "It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes."
Monday, August 26, 2013
Not my strength but His
"...My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness..." 2 Corinthians 12:9 (in part)
A few years ago God started me on a journey that I had no desire to take. That journey will end with just a few more appointments and signatures. It has been a long road--sometimes difficult, sometimes tiring, sometimes frustrating--but one that I'm now thankful I got to travel. Nothing about this journey and its completion is because of me or anything I did. It is all because of the strength that God provided along the way.
The beginning was really many years ago when my dad's health starting the final downhill slide. Many days I'd teach all day, drive to Oxford and spend the night in the ICU waiting room, leave at 5 a.m. to get home, shower and go back to work. Once Daddy was in Grenada at least the drive was much less and I could go sleep in my own bed although every day started and ended at his bedside. My Momma was so faithful to him, rarely leaving the hospital and certainly setting a high bar for those around her. I was fortunate enough to be with my Daddy when he left this world for the next and was quite surprised at how peaceful it was.
Fast forward a few years. Momma's health began declining not longer after Daddy died--I feel certain to this day it was grief--and I began to notice some things that I had hoped we would avoid. She managed to live alone for several years with only occasional incidents--like starting a fire in the kitchen when she left something cooking and went outside where she decided to mow the lawn. Thankfully, a cousin saw the smoke, called it in and the fire department got there and put it out. This was the beginning of the end.
BUT--before we started the hardest part of Momma's illness, my Aunt Judy had a stroke. She had been married to my Daddy's brother and they had no children of their own. Her siblings had both passed away and she was pretty much alone. So when she got settled in at the hospital someone who knew her well knew I belonged to her so I got the call. For the next 2 1/2 to 3 years, I became responsible for Aunt Judy. Since she had not made any preparation for such an event, I spent much time over the years with lawyers and judges and bank personnel. Thankfully, she was able to get the kind of care that she needed until her death in early August.
Intermingled with all of this, Momma reached a point where she could no longer live alone so she moved into assisted living. Fortunately she had completed the paperwork for power of attorney but now all of her financial responsibilities became my responsibility. (Please be aware that none of this is out of pity for myself--just sharing the facts with you.) We went through some "interesting" times as Momma's illness progressed and I learned early on it was easier just to laugh so that I did not spend all of my time crying. I did the best I knew to do for her and in the end, I was right by her when she drew her final breath as well. My parents gave me the beginning of my life and I was able to be with them at the end of theirs. I count that as a blessing.
My cousin, who had been a huge help to me with Aunt Judy, and I spent the last few hours of Judy's life with her in the nursing home. I went home for a nap and knew when the phone rang at midnight that her battle was over. I also knew my Uncle Garland was waiting for her and wondering why she took so long.
While I had some wonderful support from my husband and children, my extended family, my friends and the best bunch of prayer warriors ever--I often felt like I was an only child with 2 mothers. So a "normal" weekday for me would be--go to work at 7:30; leave work, go by nursing home to check on Aunt Judy, go to assisted living to visit with Momma, go home, fix supper, come back to work at night and collapse when I got back home. Now that it is all over, I can't imagine how it all got done--there is no more free time in my days now than then. But... I really know how it got done. And that takes me back to the verse in 2 Corinthians. I didn't have the strength on my own. But I did have God's grace and God's strength. He never once let me down, He never got so tired of hearing my prayers that He stopped listening, He never--NEVER--left me on my own. What a wonderful blessing! I don't have to wonder if God is big enough to handle whatever comes along-- I know for a fact He is. And that is a truth for which I am truly thankful.
I still cry sometimes--for myself-- because I miss those loved ones who have left this earth. And the tears are strictly for me (although I do wish my parents could have met my grandson) because I know they are together and walking and talking with Jesus waiting for the rest of us. I'm pretty sure if there is any southern gospel singing going on in Heaven that Daddy and Momma are enjoying that too.
I may never know on this side of heaven why I was given this road to walk. Maybe it is so I can help someone else as others helped me. Maybe it was for me to learn to put someone else ahead of myself. Maybe it was just to make me trust God more. All I know is now that the journey is almost over, I hope I am a better person for it. Because I just know, there has to be a reason...
"...we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
A few years ago God started me on a journey that I had no desire to take. That journey will end with just a few more appointments and signatures. It has been a long road--sometimes difficult, sometimes tiring, sometimes frustrating--but one that I'm now thankful I got to travel. Nothing about this journey and its completion is because of me or anything I did. It is all because of the strength that God provided along the way.
The beginning was really many years ago when my dad's health starting the final downhill slide. Many days I'd teach all day, drive to Oxford and spend the night in the ICU waiting room, leave at 5 a.m. to get home, shower and go back to work. Once Daddy was in Grenada at least the drive was much less and I could go sleep in my own bed although every day started and ended at his bedside. My Momma was so faithful to him, rarely leaving the hospital and certainly setting a high bar for those around her. I was fortunate enough to be with my Daddy when he left this world for the next and was quite surprised at how peaceful it was.
Fast forward a few years. Momma's health began declining not longer after Daddy died--I feel certain to this day it was grief--and I began to notice some things that I had hoped we would avoid. She managed to live alone for several years with only occasional incidents--like starting a fire in the kitchen when she left something cooking and went outside where she decided to mow the lawn. Thankfully, a cousin saw the smoke, called it in and the fire department got there and put it out. This was the beginning of the end.
BUT--before we started the hardest part of Momma's illness, my Aunt Judy had a stroke. She had been married to my Daddy's brother and they had no children of their own. Her siblings had both passed away and she was pretty much alone. So when she got settled in at the hospital someone who knew her well knew I belonged to her so I got the call. For the next 2 1/2 to 3 years, I became responsible for Aunt Judy. Since she had not made any preparation for such an event, I spent much time over the years with lawyers and judges and bank personnel. Thankfully, she was able to get the kind of care that she needed until her death in early August.
Intermingled with all of this, Momma reached a point where she could no longer live alone so she moved into assisted living. Fortunately she had completed the paperwork for power of attorney but now all of her financial responsibilities became my responsibility. (Please be aware that none of this is out of pity for myself--just sharing the facts with you.) We went through some "interesting" times as Momma's illness progressed and I learned early on it was easier just to laugh so that I did not spend all of my time crying. I did the best I knew to do for her and in the end, I was right by her when she drew her final breath as well. My parents gave me the beginning of my life and I was able to be with them at the end of theirs. I count that as a blessing.
My cousin, who had been a huge help to me with Aunt Judy, and I spent the last few hours of Judy's life with her in the nursing home. I went home for a nap and knew when the phone rang at midnight that her battle was over. I also knew my Uncle Garland was waiting for her and wondering why she took so long.
While I had some wonderful support from my husband and children, my extended family, my friends and the best bunch of prayer warriors ever--I often felt like I was an only child with 2 mothers. So a "normal" weekday for me would be--go to work at 7:30; leave work, go by nursing home to check on Aunt Judy, go to assisted living to visit with Momma, go home, fix supper, come back to work at night and collapse when I got back home. Now that it is all over, I can't imagine how it all got done--there is no more free time in my days now than then. But... I really know how it got done. And that takes me back to the verse in 2 Corinthians. I didn't have the strength on my own. But I did have God's grace and God's strength. He never once let me down, He never got so tired of hearing my prayers that He stopped listening, He never--NEVER--left me on my own. What a wonderful blessing! I don't have to wonder if God is big enough to handle whatever comes along-- I know for a fact He is. And that is a truth for which I am truly thankful.
I still cry sometimes--for myself-- because I miss those loved ones who have left this earth. And the tears are strictly for me (although I do wish my parents could have met my grandson) because I know they are together and walking and talking with Jesus waiting for the rest of us. I'm pretty sure if there is any southern gospel singing going on in Heaven that Daddy and Momma are enjoying that too.
I may never know on this side of heaven why I was given this road to walk. Maybe it is so I can help someone else as others helped me. Maybe it was for me to learn to put someone else ahead of myself. Maybe it was just to make me trust God more. All I know is now that the journey is almost over, I hope I am a better person for it. Because I just know, there has to be a reason...
"...we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
You don't always get what you want...
When I was young (yeah 30-40 years ago) I had dreams. I had goals. I had plans. Things I was going to do, places I was going to see, the person I was going to become. Obviously, what a girl wants at 12 and what she wants at 25 may be a little different. And that was true for me. I knew a crucial part of reaching those goals, fulfilling those dreams would be an education. And as most of you know, I still can't seem to get enough of that. ;) And I wanted a husband (no complaints today on that choice), and I wanted children (not quite as spaced as I'd planned but I am so blessed with the two God sent), and I wanted...more. Something. I couldn't really put my finger on what it was then and I still can't say with certainty what that elusive dream is now. But it is something.....somewhere...
Now, don't get me wrong--I'm not in NEED of anything tangible. I have a home, a vehicle, a good job, a good church, good friends and some close family. And obviously, there is plenty of food for me to eat! From that side, it is all ok. I don't take any of that for granted and I know every single day how blessed I am.
Now, don't get me wrong--I'm not in NEED of anything tangible. I have a home, a vehicle, a good job, a good church, good friends and some close family. And obviously, there is plenty of food for me to eat! From that side, it is all ok. I don't take any of that for granted and I know every single day how blessed I am.
But---still....something is not there. I have no trouble acknowledging my bad traits and weaknesses. I am very spoiled, I am very Myra-oriented, I am very strong willed (yes, hard headed but I came by that genetically!). I don't like housework, I don't like yard work. But even with that being said, I've tried to be a good caregiver to others, the dishes are done, the beds are made and the clothes are washed. So I know how to do things I don't want to do. I know how to do without things that I would like to have. I am NOT to the point where I can say "for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." Philippians 4:11 Because that would be telling a big ole story for sure!
I guess what I keep thinking about is that "ideal self". The person I would be if everything about me was just like I wanted it to be. I will not bore you with that list of changes! But what about those dreams? What about those plans? What about what I had hoped for? Why didn't I get those things? Easy answer. ":For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." Jeremiah 29:11
Am I sometimes disappointed that life didn't go just they way I wanted it? Sure. I'm human which means not perfect. Are there things out there I still strive toward? Sure. I'm old but I'm not dead. Will I ever be fully satisfied? Probably not, but for today I'm going to look at all the good things in my life that were not in MY plans. I'm going to acknowledge that even though I'm not my ideal self, I am healthy, I am loved, I am needed.
So, if you see me and I look a little sad in my eyes, it is alright. I'm just having one of those melancholy days thinking about people I miss, bad choices I've made and time that has passed. And tomorrow, I will move one day closer to reaching that place that I really think I am longing for, that something that is truly missing. God bless.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
I am my Father's daughter
" My dear father; my dear friend; the best and wisest man I ever knew, who taught me many lessons and showed me many things as we went together along the country by-ways."--Sarah Orne Jewett
The tears have been just below the surface all day today. Really for the past week or so I've been very teary-eyed--and sometimes they did overflow. Today my daddy would have turned 78. And even though he has been gone from this earth since 2005, I still miss him EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Many are the days when I talk out loud to him--especially in those times of decision making. I am always so afraid of making the wrong choice for myself. (Yes, I know I don't have any trouble telling others what they should do. ha) My Daddy always had a way of looking at things from a different perspective. There were many times in my life when he and I did not see eye to eye on things. And he always held me accountable for my own actions. In hindsight I know that he was right the majority of the time but I am just as strong-willed as he was so I had to hold my ground. Don't get me wrong--I never talked back to my Daddy. No, I enjoyed eating with a full set of teeth too much for that. But, as I'm sure every teenager has done (including my own), I walked away mumbling under my breath what I'd like to say. :)
So much of who I am today is because of my Daddy. I was always a Daddy's girl. There was a period of time before I was school age when he worked the 3-11 shift and Momma worked 7-3. That meant that he and I spent lots of time together. I "helped" him build fences and whatever else he had to do. As I got older I learned how to work in the garden (never really liked it), how to herd the cows (never stopped being afraid of them) and how to drive the tractor (liked that pretty good because I got to drive during hay hauling time!) Daddy coached little league baseball for a long time but as I moved into pre-teen and teenage years, he coached a semi-pro team. That was older guys!! Those who know me well know there is no place I'd rather be than around a bunch of fellas. So to get to stay in the dugout, I had to learn to keep the scorebook--which later led to a summer job when I was first married and living in Cleveland. Many times now there are things I recall that I learned from hanging out with him.
As the daughter--and the baby at that--I'm sure I didn't have the same experiences as my older brother but that is his story to tell, not mine. ;)
Daddy didn't go to college but he was a very well read man. He knew something about pretty much everything. The bookshelf at my childhood home still held his books even after he had been gone a long time. He would sometimes recommend things to me and one time (and I was adult at this time) he made me read The King of Torts even though he knew I was not a huge Grisham fan. He said there were things in that book that I needed to know. So, you guessed it, I read it! I think the love for reading and learning that I have today stems from his love of the same. We never discussed IF I was going to college, we only discussed WHERE I was going. He did make one mistake with all of that though--he told me he'd pay for my education as long I wanted to go if I maintained the grades. I don't think he knew how long that would be! lol
So today, even while my eyes are tear-filled, I remember all the good things about my Daddy. He was not perfect by any means but the positives I took from him far outweigh the negatives. I like to think he'd be proud of how I turned out and how my2 boys have turned out as well. (I know he would have been traveling with us every Friday to watch one of them coach had he still been alive.) So--happy birthday, Daddy. I hope you and Momma are walking on the golden streets hand in hand today. And as you are watching over your little girl, never for a moment think that I don't appreciate all the things you brought to my life.
"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me".
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Monday, February 25, 2013
Choosing Your Path
"God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him." Jim Elliot
Everybody takes their own path in life. Some marry young and begin their families looking toward an empty nest in early midlife. Some marry and wait many years to have children. Some marry early with no intentions of every having children. Some marry late. Some do not marry at all. Does one person have a right to determine how another person's life should be? Of course not. Each person follows a unique path. If we are willing to listen to God's directions, He will head each of us down the right path.
This week in Sunday School we were discussing God's sovereignty and part of our scriptures came from Jeremiah 29. Verse 11 was included in this study which says (and most are familiar with it): "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. KJV" {Here it is for my NIV friends" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.}
I was pondering on that later in the day and was thinking about how hard it is sometimes to let God fulfill His plans. He will let us charge ahead if we choose to do so. This led me to thinking how God does not have the same plans for everybody. He distinctly said "toward YOU" That is pretty personal---His place for each and every one of His children. His plans for your path...and every plan must be different because each person has a particular role in God's work.
It doesn't matter if we are young, old or somewhere in between for us to sometimes rush ahead, or even around, God's plans. If we will stop and listen---yes, I know we don't think we have time for this---we will hear His voice and He will guide us. Your decisions, your choices, your PATH are strictly between you and God.
So the next time someone asks you why you are single or why you haven't started a family or why you started so early etc. remind them that God has the right path for you to follow. Following His plan is always better than anything we could come up with on our own.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Help us each to see the need for Your guidance and direction in our lives. Forgive us for being stubborn and wanting to have things our way. Soften our hearts and minds so that every choice is based in You. Thank you for preparing a path especially for each of us in this world so that we can better serve you.
In the name of Jesus we pray. Amen
Everybody takes their own path in life. Some marry young and begin their families looking toward an empty nest in early midlife. Some marry and wait many years to have children. Some marry early with no intentions of every having children. Some marry late. Some do not marry at all. Does one person have a right to determine how another person's life should be? Of course not. Each person follows a unique path. If we are willing to listen to God's directions, He will head each of us down the right path.
This week in Sunday School we were discussing God's sovereignty and part of our scriptures came from Jeremiah 29. Verse 11 was included in this study which says (and most are familiar with it): "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. KJV" {Here it is for my NIV friends" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.}
I was pondering on that later in the day and was thinking about how hard it is sometimes to let God fulfill His plans. He will let us charge ahead if we choose to do so. This led me to thinking how God does not have the same plans for everybody. He distinctly said "toward YOU" That is pretty personal---His place for each and every one of His children. His plans for your path...and every plan must be different because each person has a particular role in God's work.
It doesn't matter if we are young, old or somewhere in between for us to sometimes rush ahead, or even around, God's plans. If we will stop and listen---yes, I know we don't think we have time for this---we will hear His voice and He will guide us. Your decisions, your choices, your PATH are strictly between you and God.
So the next time someone asks you why you are single or why you haven't started a family or why you started so early etc. remind them that God has the right path for you to follow. Following His plan is always better than anything we could come up with on our own.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Help us each to see the need for Your guidance and direction in our lives. Forgive us for being stubborn and wanting to have things our way. Soften our hearts and minds so that every choice is based in You. Thank you for preparing a path especially for each of us in this world so that we can better serve you.
In the name of Jesus we pray. Amen
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Choices, change, talents and God
Why is it so hard to make
changes? If we know something isn’t
working for us any more, if we feel like we are dragging an anchor behind us with
each step, why can’t we just stop doing that and do something else?
Maybe it is just me. Maybe it’s not. Maybe
it is not uncommon to be afraid of change; to be afraid to take risks; to be
afraid to let go of what has been for so long--to reach for something different. What do you do when you are faced with
decisions such as this? I know that my
first way of getting advice is praying.
And then I have a few trusted friends and family members that I know
will give me unbiased, very honest opinions (even if I don’t like it). But in the end, I always know that there must
be a sense of peace in my heart that lets me know that this decision is the
right one--that this change is truly necessary.
I read these words from By the River
Piedra I Sat Down and Wept by Paulo Coelho and thought:
I don’t want this to be me.
“Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks.
Perhaps this person will never be disappointed or disillusioned; perhaps she
won’t suffer the way people do when they have a dream to follow. But when that
person looks back – and at some point everyone looks back – she will hear her
heart saying, “What have you done with the miracles that God planted in your
days? What have you done with the talents God bestowed on you? You buried
yourself in a cave because you were fearful of losing those talents. So this is
your heritage; the certainty that you wasted your life.”
That passage contains some
pretty hard hitting questions—“What have you done with the miracles that God
planted in your days? What have you done
with the talents God bestowed on you?” Wow. How often do we truly stop to see if we are
using all the gifts that God gave us, all the talents He has allowed us to
develop? For myself I have to say, not often
enough. Why would we bury what He has given us instead
of using it to our best ability? I think
of the rich man who entrusted 3 of his servants with a set number of talents
(5, 2 and 1) and put them in charge of their portion until he returned. The servants who had received the 5 talents
and the two talents doubled what they had for the master. They were called “good and faithful servant.” But the one who only received one talent hid
his portion for fear of losing it and therefore gained nothing for his
master. He was called “Thou wicked and slothful servant.”
Now which of these would be better?
Of course--to be the good and faithful servant. (See Matthew 25:14-30 for entire parable.)
That says to me that we are to use
whatever God gave us in a way that is best in His service. Sometimes to truly become the good and
faithful servant we have to have change.
We have take risks. We have to
move away from what is comfortable to where our heart (in hearing God’s voice)
leads us. I think I am often afraid--much
like the 3rd servant. I’m
afraid I’ll mess up somehow; I’m afraid I’ll make the wrong decision; I'm afraid I'll lose what I have. But I’m even more afraid of looking back over
my life with “the certainty that [I] wasted [my] life.”
Think about the gifts and
talents God has entrusted to you. Decide
whether you are using those to His glory or simply hiding them. Sometimes…sometimes we have to get over our
fears, take the risks and fulfill the plan that God has for us. And if we are truly following His lead then we
will have no need to fear. “Be strong and of a good
courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee,
nor forsake thee.” Deuteronomy 31:6
Which servant will you choose to be? What risks or changes are you avoiding? What are you so afraid of?
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Choices and Forgiveness
There are things I've done that I can't undo. There are choices I've made that I can't unmake. There are roads I've traveled down that have no turn-around point. I've made some good decisions but I've made some bad ones too.
What about you? Could you make some of these statements? Is it sometimes difficult, especially in adulthood, to look back over your life and realize that some of the things that can't be changed are the things that haunt you the most? So what can each of us do with the guilt, shame, disappointment or maybe even loathing, that we feel toward ourselves? What can we do with the burden we've been carrying for so long?
Well, I'll tell you the answer. In Matthew Jesus says: " Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."11:28 In I John the Bible says: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1:9 That is really pretty simple if you think about it. Confess. Tell Jesus. And He will forgive us and cleanse us. We don't have to carry those burdens any longer because once they are forgiven, they are gone. "As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." Psalm 103:12. You can never get to the west by traveling east. You just always keep going east. So that means that our sins are so far removed from us that we will never have to ask to be forgiven for them again. God is good that way. And what really helps a sinner like me is to know that even when I mess up, make a bad choice, SIN, He will still forgive when I confess. My part is easy. Jesus did the hard work many years ago.
Sometimes though, even after we've asked and received forgiveness from our Father, we still can't forgive ourselves. That is where I often find myself. Struggling with the images that come into my mind, reminders of those long ago choices that were wrong. That is when I really have to turn to God and ask, not for forgiveness for those same sins, but for forgiveness for not trusting His word, His promises enough. If He is faithful and just as the Bible said, if He does remove our sins as far as the east is from the west, then I have to trust that. I have to believe that. I have to let it go. I did it. I confessed it. He forgave it. Its gone.
So if or when you have a time when you are reminded of your past bad decisions, remind yourself again of God's forgiveness. Of His everlasting love. Of the work He did on the cross. If the One who made you can forgive you (and me) of your (our) horrific choices, surely you (and I) can forgive ourselves too.
What about you? Could you make some of these statements? Is it sometimes difficult, especially in adulthood, to look back over your life and realize that some of the things that can't be changed are the things that haunt you the most? So what can each of us do with the guilt, shame, disappointment or maybe even loathing, that we feel toward ourselves? What can we do with the burden we've been carrying for so long?
Well, I'll tell you the answer. In Matthew Jesus says: " Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."11:28 In I John the Bible says: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1:9 That is really pretty simple if you think about it. Confess. Tell Jesus. And He will forgive us and cleanse us. We don't have to carry those burdens any longer because once they are forgiven, they are gone. "As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." Psalm 103:12. You can never get to the west by traveling east. You just always keep going east. So that means that our sins are so far removed from us that we will never have to ask to be forgiven for them again. God is good that way. And what really helps a sinner like me is to know that even when I mess up, make a bad choice, SIN, He will still forgive when I confess. My part is easy. Jesus did the hard work many years ago.
Sometimes though, even after we've asked and received forgiveness from our Father, we still can't forgive ourselves. That is where I often find myself. Struggling with the images that come into my mind, reminders of those long ago choices that were wrong. That is when I really have to turn to God and ask, not for forgiveness for those same sins, but for forgiveness for not trusting His word, His promises enough. If He is faithful and just as the Bible said, if He does remove our sins as far as the east is from the west, then I have to trust that. I have to believe that. I have to let it go. I did it. I confessed it. He forgave it. Its gone.
So if or when you have a time when you are reminded of your past bad decisions, remind yourself again of God's forgiveness. Of His everlasting love. Of the work He did on the cross. If the One who made you can forgive you (and me) of your (our) horrific choices, surely you (and I) can forgive ourselves too.
2 Corinthians 5:17-18 King James Version (KJV)
17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
18 And
all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus
Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
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