Marriage Issues

I'm so saddened by the fact that so many people that I know have hit a rough patch in their marriage.  And, yes, I know that all marriages have ups and downs in them.  It is the willingness to WORK together that determines how the issues will be resolved.

The number one reason couples go to counseling is lack of communication.  Communicating involves more that stating facts or, as sometimes is the case, yelling them.  To fully communicate with another person requires several things.  The first is to pay attention.  Often when one person is talking, the other is busy doing something else.  Multi-tasking is not a part of communicating.  The second thing is to listen.  Hearing is not the same as listening.  Listening involves your ears, brain, and heart.  It means that you are not only grasping the words but also the meanings behind those words.  Sometimes, it is more important to listen with the heart because it picks up on things that your brain may not.  Couples must also strive to stay calm.  If the discussion escalates to a shouting match, then the listening has stopped.  If there is a time when the subject is just too hot to handle right then, take a break and agree to a time--after colling down--to restart the discussion.  Probably one of the main aspects of communication is to stay in the moment.   Don't bring up things from last week or last month or last year.  Deal with the issue at hand.

This is a good start for couples when difficulties arise.  However, each must realize that the partner may have needs that are not being met--not just physical needs but the need to be touched or praised or appreciated.  Each person has his/her own temperament style and he/she can't dictate what that style is.  So it is important to learn about your spouse and what feels like a reward for him/her.  Life might be easier is marriage was always smooth but the reality is that without working to keep things together, it is very easy for a couple to fall apart.

Mark 10: 7For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; 8And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. 9What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (KJV)