Mr. & Mrs.....and me

In my life I have played many roles.  Some of them were harder than others but anybody who knows me well knows that two of my favorites are Momma and Nonni. But before I could become the Nonni, I had to become the dreaded MOTHER-IN-LAW!!  Ha ha.

Over the years I have watched my boys make some serious (and not so serious) decisions.  Were all of these decisions that I agreed with and that made me happy?  NO WAY!!  But when it came time for each to choose his wife, wow, they both did great!!  I didn't cry a single tear at either wedding because I was so happy with the girl---woman---each had chosen to give me as a daughter.  And that is really the way I feel about both of these ladies----they are the daughters I didn't birth but that God knew I needed in my life.  I hear women talk about how their adult daughter is their friend and I thought I would miss out on that completely.  But I haven't.  I have these two wonderful women who are my friends, the ones who keep my boys in line and the ones who gave me some beautiful grands!!!

In a discussion with each of them prior to the wedding I told them I could be a good mother-in-law or a bad mother-in-law.  I had seen examples of each over the years and knew how to be either.  In their wisdom, they both chose the good mother in law and I that made me VERY happy.  Rule number one was, "If you have a problem with me, come tell me and we will deal with it.  Don't tell my son.  And I will do the same."  There have been times when a son asked why I always took his wife's side and the answer was easy---She was right!  lol  I love these girls with a real love and am so thankful for them.

But I also knew I had an important decision to make.  How I dealt with them.  Thankfully, I had God's guidance to know my role...Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."   (I always joked with Mark while my parents were alive that it said a man had to leave HIS father and mother but it didn't say that the woman did!) Clearly my role was defined.
 
And I have tried, and pray I have succeeded, to tell my boys to always put their wives first.  Do what makes them happy even if it might not be what was the norm for our family.  (Except for Christmas Eve, that is the one holiday I claim!  ha ha) I work hard to respect their privacy.   I don't go to their house without either asking first or being invited.  I TRY to stay impartial in their discussion or decisions that they might share with me. And both of "my girls" have been so good to share not only their husbands but also their children with me!   I want to be the mother-in-law that these girls deserve.  When they became Mr. & Mrs., then she became the most important woman in his life.  And that is how it should be.

I guess I'm writing this, not just as a reminder to me but to help those of you who may be moving into the role of mother-in-law for the first time.  It is HARD to let that child of yours become an adult.  But once they get married, they are no longer just your child.  They are somebody's spouse.  So hang in there, Moms, you are still important in their lives.  Just not the most important any more.  And that is how God designed marriage to be.