Good People, Bad Decisions, Christians and Sin

Good people make bad decisions. Christian people make wrong choices. Saved people sin.  These are some facts that, no matter how you try to make it otherwise, just are true.  If you are thinking right now, "I'm saved and I don't sin", then I want you to think about what went through your mind the last time someone pulled out in front of you on the highway or turned off without using a blinker.  I'm sure you thought, "that is perfectly fine, I don't mind if I'm involved in an accident today."  I'm guessing you laughed and thought "Hardly."  So let's just go with the fact that we all have sinned, made bad decisions, and wrong choices.

I think the hardest thing for most parents is to not be able to protect a child from hurt or harm.  And to keep them from making bad decisions.  But, no matter how hard we try, we can't always protect them.  We can't keep them from bad choices.  And we would like to think we would not get into that type of predicament either. However, it doesn't matter the age of your child or even yourself.  Whether you are 7, 17, or 57 you are still at risk of being in a situation of your own making that is not what you planned.  So, now what?

Now is where we ask for forgiveness.  From God and from those we have hurt in the process. If you are not the one in the wrong, but the one who was "wronged" then you are the one who has to forgive.  And love.  I remember times when I wouldn't have blamed my momma if she had locked me in my room until I was 21.  But she never did.  She always forgave and she never stopped loving.  And there have been times when I could have disowned a child.  But I didn't.  If anything, I had to love them more to make sure they knew that even though I was heartbroken, I still loved them.

Remember there are no big sins and little sins; just sins.  It doesn't matter if the bad decision led to an arrest, an unplanned pregnancy, a failing grade or whatever.  Once the decision, the choice, has been made, there is no going back.  We can only go forward.  In 1 John 1:9 we are told "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."  If we can be forgiven for ALL the many sins we have committed, then we have to be willing to forgive those around us.

It seems that around Christmas people begin to really focus on love.  Obviously it is a time when God sent us Love in the baby Jesus.  But we shouldn't just love once a year, we should love all the time.  1 Peter 4:8 says - "And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins."  And maybe this is a good place for us to remind ourselves that it is not for us to judge others--Luke 6:37 - "Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:".  This is the area that I plan to ask God to help me with the most as we begin a new year.  I want to be slow to make assumptions, slow to judge others, and quick to offer love and forgiveness.  Some of you may want to join me in the venture!!

So, before you start telling someone about a terrible decision, choice or sin of someone else, stop and think about this verse in Luke.  Because good people make bad decisions, Christian people make wrong choices and saved people sin.  As we go through our days let us keep this in mind.  And let us always love.  Always.

Just A Vapour

James 4:14 "Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away."


For whatever reason, I woke up with this verse on my mind.  I just kept thinking "If you knew this was your last day, what would you have to say about your life?"  And I immediately thought "I've had a good life."   Yes, there have been lots of ups and downs along the way---that is just the way life is--but I've had a good life.  I have a group of people who love me (even when I make it hard), I have a handful of faithful, praying friends (which is more than most people have), and I feel like I've had a positive impact in the lives of people from several generations.  My kids turned out ok.  My grandchildren are precious and imperfect (they get the second characteristic from me!)  I got to walk both of my parents to the end of this life as they left for the next.  And I have HOPE!!  Hope because Jesus is my Savior.  Hope because He promised me a life fulfilled! John 10:10"... I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."  Hope that after this life I will sit at His feet and that He is preparing me a mansion (Y'all can read those other versions and just get an apartment if you want to, but this girl is getting a mansion!)

I would hope that people remembered more of the good times and fewer of the bad that we've shared.  I'd want there to be more laughter than tears.  I'd hope somebody could say that they saw Jesus in me.  I'd hope somebody would say that their life was better because our lives crossed.  And I want to continue to do the things that would make these statements true for as much time as I have.  

Maybe it is because we are approaching Momma's birthday and Christmas.  And just went through the month when Daddy went home as did some of my favorite uncles.  Maybe it is because the hardest part of the semester is over and I haven't started gearing up for the next--and my last.  Maybe it is because Bro. Aaron made us think about it a couple of weeks ago.  Or maybe its just that God wanted to remind me that my time on this earth is limited.  Maybe He wanted me to remember that I only have a limited amount of time to tell people about Him, to share His love, to be His messenger.  There could be a lot of maybes.  And really, it doesn't even matter why I was having these thoughts.  What matters is that I did.  And now, so have you.

All that leads me, and you as well, to ponder on what we are doing with our lives.  We can't go back and fix what we messed up 10, 20, 40 years or months or days or hours ago.  We can, however, be purposeful in what we do from this very moment on.  We need to be intentional with how we live our days because that will eventually make up our lives.  If I live to be 100 or die at 57, I want to know that I did something that made my time on earth worthwhile.  Until the very end I want to be able to say "I've had a good life."  My prayer is that you can do the same.  

Psalm 138:8 "The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O Lord, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands."

Life Was Easier When....

Quite often as I scroll through Facebook or Instagram and see pictures of people with new babies or toddlers or school age children or teens, I often wonder how they feel about that particular season of their life.  I know as we move through midlife that we often look back to our childhood and say, "life was so much easier then."  But it really wasn't.  Or was it?  And maybe, you have on occasion (as I have often) said "life will be better (or easier or richer or whatever positive) when such and such occurs.  If you haven't figured that out yet, let me assure you that this is not the case.  But I thought for a while and got to reviewing life up to this point.....

As as little girl I was always in a hurry to grow up.  (Now I wonder why because being a grown up is not all fun and games and no matter your age there is always somebody that tells you what you can and can't do!)  But as I look back on those times, life was easier when Momma and Daddy made all the decisions.  I didn't know it then but what a blessing to just go about my day and never worry about food or shelter or clothes.  They took care of everything for me.  Yes, life was easier when I was a child.

Then I got to be a teenager!  My oh my!  How I had awaited those years!  I could wear makeup and date and drive the family car (didn't have my own car till I was a junior in college!).  And still, Momma and Daddy not only took care of everything but they also set the boundaries.  I had one of those horrible things called a curfew (unfortunately for my sons I decided that was a good thing so they had one too!!).  We didn't have cell phones so if I was going to be late I'd have to find a pay phone (and hope I had a dime) to call and let Momma know.  Because the one thing I knew I did not want was for Daddy to drive to town to look for me!!  But teenage years can be tough.  Boys could be mean and girls meaner.  Dreams didn't always come true and sometimes if you didn't mess up well enough on your own, somebody would invent a story to help you on a downward spiral.  But all of that doesn't seem as important now as it did then.  Yes, life was easier when I was a teenager.

Fast forward a few years and I finished my first degree and got married (not in that order  ha ha) and started to work and then started a family.  I taught a while then stayed home to raise the boys.  Mark worked and made the living and I changed 2 sets of diapers and rocked babies and played games and read books and watched The Elephant Show (are you singing Skidamarink now?) and did my own thing.  But I couldn't wait for the boys to get potty trained and self sufficient and not have to hear Momma a thousand times a day.  And, yes, GFL, I couldn't wait for them to get grown and out of the house.  But even though they required a lot of attention, we had fun and I have good memories and only rarely did I have to wonder where they were.  Yes, life was better when I was in my 20s.

Then the boys became teenagers.  And how I loved that age!!  There was lots of racket all the time with guys in and out of my house.  But then they got a driver's license and I couldn't be with them all the time.  Again, they had no cell phones so I couldn't track their phone to know where they were.  But, MOST of the time they were where they were supposed to be and came home on time bringing others home with them at times.  And they would go spend the night at the hunting camp and Momma would cook them a huge breakfast and they only got in bad trouble one time.  Great memories.  Yes, life was easier when the boys were teens.

Too soon they went away to college.  And from college to a job.  And they were on their own.  And they fell in love a time or two.  And they had their hearts broken.  And I couldn't fix it.  And that was hard.  But they were happy most of the time and employed and paying their own bills and would still come and visit and we'd laugh and watch tv and talk about important things and nothing at all.  My nest was empty but my heart was full.  Mark and I were healthy and able to go and do whatever we wanted to without worrying about somebody looking for me (although one night one of the boys did call at 10--we now had cell phones--and asked what we were doing out so late!)  Yes, life was easier when the boys grew up.

Today, our family has grown by 2 daughters that I adore and 3 grandchildren that fill my heart and we are busy all the time.  Mark and I still laugh over the same things we did in high school and talk to each other in silly ways like we did when we were dating.  And we get to enjoy watching the grandchildren and laugh and laugh when one of them does something to drive their daddy crazy that was exactly what their daddy did to drive us crazy.  And our hearts just grow with each addition to the family.  We get quality time with our grandchildren and sometimes the wives even send their husbands home and tell me to tend to them a while.  And that is such a blessing.  I have a job I love with people who are fun to be with.  Mark works a dozen different jobs it seems but we still find time to sit and watch tv or sing or laugh or--one of our favorite things--watch high school football.  And we don't have the finest everything but we have enough because God is enough and He supplies our needs.  So, I guess I can say, yes life is easier right now.

There have been some bad things along the way, deaths and trials and sorrow that we all face in life.  But that is ok.

In July, God willing, I will begin a new season of my life.  And I may say to you that life was easier when I worked full time.  But, I pray that I will be able to say--Life is easier now than ever before.

Where Can I Hide from You?

Psalms 139:7-10 Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.

This past week Bro. Billy Little referenced these verses during the service.  I smiled a little when I turned my Bible to these scriptures because they had long been underlined.  I'm not exactly sure when I marked them, but they are verses that I have turned to over and over again.  In good times these verses remind me that God is always right there with me.  In bad times these verses remind me that God is always right there with me.  And with you too.

Each and every one of us go through times in our lives where we feel that we are in the depths of hell.  Loved ones are sick; bills are overdue; people die unexpectedly; jobs are lost;  marriages are struggling; kids are headed down the wrong road.  We have all been in those times when we felt like God had forgotten we exist. Like we were so far separated from Him that we could not feel His spirit.  Times when we longed to feel His peace.  But these verses remind us that even in those times, those terrible times, that God was right there with us. His right hand was holding us all the time!

So, if today you are feeling that you are so feeling you are somewhere that God can't reach you, remember these verses.  I don't know what the remainder of this day holds, much less what lies ahead tomorrow or next week or next month or 10 years from now.  Except this one thing--no matter where I am, no matter what I'm going through, God is ever with me.  What a comfort that is.  :)

The Day of Small Things

Zechariah 4:10   "For who hath despised the day of small things?"

Some days.  You know those days.  You are tired before you get out of bed.  People in both lanes are driving BELOW the speed limit.  You can't get some people you care about who are hurting or struggling off your mind.  You leave stuff you need at home.  You are greeted with problems before you get in the door good. You spill coffee on your white shirt.  You wish your Momma was here to rub your head and tell you everything is ok.  Oh, wait.  That may just be me.  But that is my today.  The day when all of those small things seem to be piling up on my head and in my heart.  I'm pretty sure that is not what God was talking about in Zechariah but it is a day of small things.  And I don't like them.

And it is on those days, those days when I most need to count my blessings that I find myself struggling with questions.  Selfish things....why does everybody seem to be out to get me today?  Why can't these people take care of their own issues?  Why can't I wear white just once and not spill something on it?!   But unselfish things too...why can't you give that person some hope?  Why are those friends in so much pain?  Why, Lord, since You are perfect, can't we have a perfect day, or better yet, a perfect life?

I know the answer.  Sin.  Romans 5:12 begins "Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world," Stay with me here.  Did sin make me forget my purse or spill my coffee?  No, of course not.  But that is the reason we will never have a perfect day or a perfect life as long as we are on this earth. From the time that Eve was deceived and Adam took a bite of that fruit, sin has been in the world.  If you look around the world today you will see the truth in these words clearly:  2nd Timothy3:2  "For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, 4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;" And I have to think to myself, some of these describe me. This is not what God wants us to be, but in our sinful state we very likely may be.  Instead of being frustrated by the traffic, I need to be thankful I made it to work without a wreck.  Instead of thinking that coffee spill ruined my "cute" look today, I should have been grateful I had a shirt to wear and I was not burned.  Instead of wishing for that perfect day, I should have been more concerned as to what I could do help someone else.  You see where I'm going with this.  It is so easy to let the small things, the little things, the things that 5 years from now, even 5 hours from now, will mean nothing to us get in our way.  Why, oh why, am I so easily distracted by those small things?

So, after I apologized to God for getting my knickers in a twist, I thought of this verse:  “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” Philippians 4:8.   So that is where I'll turn my focus.  I will think about the nice young man getting buggies in the Wal Mart parking lot telling me I looked nice today (coffee stain and all).  I will think of the fact that there are still good people in this world who try to help others along the way.  I will think about the teenage girl who stated that it was more important to her to know that she belonged to Jesus than it did to belong to a certain clique.  I will think of my grandchildren who are so precious.  I will tell someone some good news and not just bad news.  Because in the midst of all those small things that make me frustrated there are just as many small things that bring me joy and happiness!  I will leave you with a quote from Richard Carlson, author of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff....and its all small stuff):  “When you take time , often to reflect on the miracle of life - the miracle that you are even able to read this book - the gift of sight, of love and all the rest, it can help to remind you that many of the things that you think of as "big stuff" are really just "small stuff" that you are turning into big stuff.”

Thanks for being a part of the good things in my life.  :)

Mr. & Mrs.....and me

In my life I have played many roles.  Some of them were harder than others but anybody who knows me well knows that two of my favorites are Momma and Nonni. But before I could become the Nonni, I had to become the dreaded MOTHER-IN-LAW!!  Ha ha.

Over the years I have watched my boys make some serious (and not so serious) decisions.  Were all of these decisions that I agreed with and that made me happy?  NO WAY!!  But when it came time for each to choose his wife, wow, they both did great!!  I didn't cry a single tear at either wedding because I was so happy with the girl---woman---each had chosen to give me as a daughter.  And that is really the way I feel about both of these ladies----they are the daughters I didn't birth but that God knew I needed in my life.  I hear women talk about how their adult daughter is their friend and I thought I would miss out on that completely.  But I haven't.  I have these two wonderful women who are my friends, the ones who keep my boys in line and the ones who gave me some beautiful grands!!!

In a discussion with each of them prior to the wedding I told them I could be a good mother-in-law or a bad mother-in-law.  I had seen examples of each over the years and knew how to be either.  In their wisdom, they both chose the good mother in law and I that made me VERY happy.  Rule number one was, "If you have a problem with me, come tell me and we will deal with it.  Don't tell my son.  And I will do the same."  There have been times when a son asked why I always took his wife's side and the answer was easy---She was right!  lol  I love these girls with a real love and am so thankful for them.

But I also knew I had an important decision to make.  How I dealt with them.  Thankfully, I had God's guidance to know my role...Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."   (I always joked with Mark while my parents were alive that it said a man had to leave HIS father and mother but it didn't say that the woman did!) Clearly my role was defined.
 
And I have tried, and pray I have succeeded, to tell my boys to always put their wives first.  Do what makes them happy even if it might not be what was the norm for our family.  (Except for Christmas Eve, that is the one holiday I claim!  ha ha) I work hard to respect their privacy.   I don't go to their house without either asking first or being invited.  I TRY to stay impartial in their discussion or decisions that they might share with me. And both of "my girls" have been so good to share not only their husbands but also their children with me!   I want to be the mother-in-law that these girls deserve.  When they became Mr. & Mrs., then she became the most important woman in his life.  And that is how it should be.

I guess I'm writing this, not just as a reminder to me but to help those of you who may be moving into the role of mother-in-law for the first time.  It is HARD to let that child of yours become an adult.  But once they get married, they are no longer just your child.  They are somebody's spouse.  So hang in there, Moms, you are still important in their lives.  Just not the most important any more.  And that is how God designed marriage to be.

Satan is Alive and Well

"...In the world ye shall have tribulation..."  From John 16:33

There are some people who believe that followers of Christ will live perfect, happy, carefree lives.  My first thought is that obviously these people have never read the Bible because then they would know that some of the strongest believers had the most troubles----Paul, John, and of course, Job come quickly to mind.  Christians know that Jesus told us we would have troubles in this world.  It wasn't a "this might just happen" kind of thing.  It was a "it is going to happen so get ready" kind of thing.

I have come to see that anytime God is about to do something big--you know, God-sized--in someone's life or in the church that Satan makes a beeline to their position to start his trouble making.  Things going pretty good in your life?  Satan will blow up your washer, dryer, refrigerator and car within a 30 day span.  Feeling pretty happy today?  Look out because here comes the meanest, rudest, most inconsiderate person you have ever met.  Church seeing a growth in attendance?  Oh my!  Murmuring, complaining, pickiness, and all their friends appear for service.  Yes, my friend, Satan is alive and well.  He is around every corner, on the highway, in line in front of you and anywhere else he can get to nag and pick.  He is out there and he is ready and waiting for you.

Oh, but guess what?  Here is John 16:33 in full...."These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."  We don't have to let Satan win that battle.  We don't have to let him get the better of us.  If Jesus is in us then He is our armor.  He has defeated Satan.  He will guard your heart.  He will give you PEACE.  

Let us be careful in our day to day interactions that we don't let the devil win.  Let us take care with our words, with our thoughts, with our actions.  When we feel that he is bringing more trouble than we can bear, let us invoke the name of Jesus.  Let us ask Him to fight that battle for us so that we don't have to.  Yes, Satan is alive and well.  But Jesus still conquers him!!

The Waiting

The word wait is defined as "1. stay where one is or delay action until a particular time or until something else happens.  2.  used to indicate that one is eagerly impatient to do something or for something to happen."

I am not a good "waiter".  When I am ready for something, I am ready.  Because of this particular flaw in my character (one of many), God has used waiting as a way to force me to rely on Him.  I don't like waiting but I've spent most of my life doing it.  I have a wonderful husband who has no concept of time--so I spend a lot of time waiting for him.  Waiting for him to get home, waiting for him to be ready to go, waiting for him to make a decision.  And there is only small comfort in knowing that other women feel my pain!  I don't like to be late.  But I have a precious friend who also has no concept of time.  So I spend time waiting on her when we have plans.  (I finally learned just to tell her 30 minutes earlier than necessary--so now most of you know who this is as does she! )  I don't like waiting when I have doctor's appointments or if someone has set a time to see me and then they are late.  I can forgive it and get over it--usually--but I don't like it.  I already hear some of you saying, preach it sista!!  (I have learned to always have a book or magazine handy, especially when waiting somewhere other than home.)

Perhaps the hardest thing for me to admit is that I don't particularly like waiting for God's timing.  Do I know that is the right thing to do?  Of course I do.  I am familiar with all the Bible verses that tell us to wait.  Psalms 27:14 - Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.  Isaiah 40:31 - But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint.  Psalms 62:5 - My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation [is] from him.   In the Psalms over and over David talks about waiting.  And I know that is what we are to do.  And as I've gotten older and matured in my faith, I realize more and more the importance of waiting.  Mainly because every time I got ahead of God's timing I failed.  Nothing went the way it was supposed to go.  Nobody did what I had planned for them to do.  And, thankfully, God refrained from saying "I told you so" but I wouldn't be surprised if He shook His head and asked "Will she EVER learn?"

We discuss waiting on God in Sunday School.  We sing songs about waiting for Him to give us His answer.  So finally, I decided to follow the advice in Isaiah 8:17 - And I will wait upon the LORD... and I will look for him.  While I kept praying, while I asked my prayer warriors to pray with me, while I read and studied my Bible, I was waiting.  And I stopped worrying.  I just kept telling myself that God was in control.  He would meet my needs.  He would take care of everything.  I felt lighter.  I felt more content.  I even have become a "waiting" encourager.  Helping others to see the peace of just giving it over to God and trusting Him.

Finally, God must have felt like I had reached a point where He could answer one of my biggest requests without it changing me.  So He showed up and He showed out.  Very soon this scripture filled my heart---Psalms 40:1 - I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.
Hallelujah!  You just have to shout there!  I sent texts to those who had been praying so diligently with me and just said Praise the Lord.  Oh how my heart is singing.  Oh how thankful I am that I let go.  That I gave it all to Him.

So if this is where you are, just trust.  And wait.  And when God's time is right you will agree with the Psalmist:  Psalms 34:8  O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.  

The Wedding vs The Marriage

Genesis 2:24
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

It is wedding season!  There have been lots of showers with more to come and many weddings over the next few months.  Many brides have put hours into planning their perfect wedding and many parents have spent thousands of dollars to be sure their child had the wedding of their dreams.  Discussions have been had about flowers and attendants, songs and food, venues and honeymoons.  Plans have been made, friends and families have been invited.  Everyone comes to the big day.  And the ceremony takes 15 minutes and then it is over.  The two have become one.  Mr. and Mrs.  New beginning.

But wait!  In all this time that was spent on plans for the wedding, how much time was spent thinking about the marriage?  Oh, I know.  "And they lived happily ever after..."  Lovely ending for a fairy tale but not for real life.  Marriage is hard work.  There are things you need to discuss before you become one flesh.  There are decisions to be made before the situation arises.  I am a strong advocate of 3-6 months of premarital counseling for engaged couples.  A time to examine those big issues but, equally important, a time to look at those small issues because they are often the ones that lead to the biggest blowups!  "Oh," the deeply in love couple says, "those issues won't be a problem for us."  (Add buzzer sound here) Wrong.  They will be. Let's examine just a few.

Money--are we a couple that pools all our money, keeps our money separate or does a combination of these?  This can lead to more problems than you think.  And with more couples waiting until they are established in their careers before they get married, this can be even a greater debate.  And more than likely, each set of parents did things their own way so you can't just say we will do what our parents did.  Once the decision has been made about where to put the money then we have to decide how to spend it, who is responsible for it and what do we do with extra.  A scenario I often use with engaged couples is this:  You get 500 dollars back on your income tax.  What are you going to do with it?  You can rest assured these leads to some lively discussions.  But it is a necessary discussion.

Holidays/Extended Family---where are we going for Christmas and Thanksgiving?  Who gets to see their parents on Mother's Day and Father's day?  Who do we visit more often?  These issues may be less troublesome if everyone lives in the same town.  But what if you all live in different states?  What if you live in the same town as one side of the family and not the other?  Again, somebody will have to make concessions and that is not always an easy agreement to make.

Leisure Time--how we will spend it?  In today's world our time is just as, if not more, valuable as our money.  There doesn't seem to be enough of it.  So when we have some time, how do we spend it?  Do we have to spend it always together?  Or can we each do our own thing? One likes to hunt and one doesn't.  One likes to tinker with old cars and the other doesn't.  One likes to veg out in front of the tv and one likes to "do" something. How do you decide what is fair?

These are just a few things that need to be discussed BEFORE the wedding takes place.  And I didn't even try to get into the things like children, careers, church that are huge topics of conversation.  The more time spent preparing for the MARRIAGE before the wedding, the better off you will be.  I truly believe some couples would have called off the engagement rather than divorcing years later if they had spent some time looking at issues prior to getting married.

And this is my final point and of utmost importance--what about God?  Is He going to be the cornerstone of your marriage?  Are you going to allow Him to play a part in the decisions you make?  Is your main goal as a couple going to be how you can serve God better together than you can individually?  This is more than likely the most important decision you are going to have to make as a couple.  Those who are Christians know they are not to be "unequally yoked"--
2 Corinthians 6:14says"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?  That is something important to consider before you even start dating.  But if you are both Believers and Followers of Jesus Christ, how important is that in your marriage?    We know how important it is to have the "threefold cord."  But this section of Ecclesiastes can also show the importance of "two."  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:  9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. 10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.  11 Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?  12 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Plan the wedding but, so much more importantly, plan the marriage.  May God always bless each of you in your marital relationships and may you allow Him to work through you in your future. 

The heavy hearted

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

My heart is heavy.  I feel a sadness that can't quite be shaken.  It could be because Mother's Day is Sunday.  It could be because of all the deaths that have occurred in the past few weeks.  It could be because it is the end of the semester and things are hectic. It could be because some of my dearest co-workers are retiring.  

But it could be because God wants more of my attention.  It could be His way of saying to me that I'm letting the worries of the world replace the joy of Heaven.

The first part of Psalm 34:18 popped in my mind this morning.  But when I read it, it was the second part that really got me to thinking.  Contrite is defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary as: feeling or showing sorrow and remorse for a sin or shortcoming.   Ok, I'm fine with that.  At least the feeling sorrow part.  Oh, the next though.  The remorse for a sin or a shortcoming part.  Who wants to admit those?  Do I sin?  EVERY DAY!  Do I have shortcomings? Have you met me????!!!  To think of those things though are not happy thoughts.  

If you read the entire Psalm you will see that David begins by saying he will "bless the Lord at all times" and later on reminds us to "taste and see that the Lord is good."  That is what I think is the reminder that I needed.  The Lord IS good.  Even when I don't understand, even when my heart is heavy, even when life feels overwhelming I can still bless the Lord and I can still know that He is good.  

So I am taking time to discuss those sins and shortcomings with the Lord to ask Him for forgiveness, guidance and strength.  I know that He can take the heaviness away.  I know that only He can save our souls.  I also will strive to walk closer to Him, to spend more time talking and listening to Him, to spend more time in His Word.  

Micah 7:7 

 Therefore I will look unto the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation: my God will hear me.

Why 1st Corinthians 13:4-7 Is So Important

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 King James Version (KJV)

4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 New International Version (NIV)

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

(I am including the NIV verses because I think that is how many people recognize these scriptures.  We know that charity in the KJV is the same as love so as I write this I will use the word love instead of charity.)

These scriptures refer to the perfect love.  While it is a great example of God's love toward us it is also how we should love one another.  We hear these scriptures often read at weddings.  There is a reason for this--the truths in these verses are important in every relationship we have but they are especially important in romantic relationships.  So I just wanted to take some time to break some of this down and help us understand their importance or maybe just renew what we have known all the time.

Long-suffering is defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary as:  patiently enduring lasting offense or hardship.  There is your patience.  Have you ever wondered why this was the first thing in this list?  I think it is because if we are not long-suffering, if we are not patient, then we bail on a relationship before we have time to get to the good stuff.  If you have been in a relationship longer than 2 hours you know that sometimes that person you love the most can also be the very one that makes your the craziest!  So, if the first time one of you did something different from expected and the other ended the relationship you would never learn how to work through those things.  Sometimes he is more patient, sometimes she is.  But without the patience--yes, you can even say suffering a long time--you don't give the other person the chance to grow to become the person God wants them to be.  You also don't give your love time to soothe those hurts.  I've never met anyone who said "I am the most patient person in the world."  For most of us, that is a struggle for us every day.  (On a side note, don't pray for patience because God will provide lots of opportunities for you to practice it!)  True love is long-suffering; patient.  Keep that in mind.

Love is kind.  Being kind is seen as a personality characteristic.  It is having a pleasing personality, treating others the same as you wish to be treated.  Kindness is based on your own values, morals and ethics.  Being kind does not mean you always have to make others happy.  It means having empathy.  We don't always know what the other person in the relationship is going through but we can be there for them.  I am a "venter".  When I'm having a bad day, I tend to just let it all fly out of my mouth--not wanting anything fixed, I just need to get it out.  It took a few years for my husband to understand that all I wanted was for him to listen and say "I'm sorry you are dealing with that" and give me a hug.  He is being kind--having empathy for me.  I have had to learn to do the same in return.  Being kind sometime means saying no.  Think about that for moment, parents.  We are being kind when we don't enable someone to continue in a harmful way.  Kindness does not come easily for all of us. But through love we can learn the behaviors. 

I know you don't want to read through all of the characteristics but I do want to touch on the last verse here:  Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.  Some see beareth to mean covers or conceals or protects. And love does protect the other person and conceals wrongs.  Even though today on social media some people feel the need to share every little thing that goes wrong in the relationship, love doesn't do that.  When we truly love another person we don't want the rest of the world to know all of their faults.  We might talk with our most trusted confidante about a hurt but we don't want everyone else to know.  We try to cover them with love so that they feel safe.

Hope--a word that has been used so much that the true meaning is often lost.  Hope is a desire that we want to see fulfilled.  But it also means trust.  Love must have a sense of trust.  And your hope is not always just for what YOU want but also what you want the other person to have.  Sometimes, sharing a hope--a desire, a trust--binds people together so strongly that outside forces can't come between them.  

Finally we see that love endues all things.  Abuse, no, but those little things and sometimes big things.  You know the little things--the cap is off the toothpaste, dirty  socks 2 feet from the hamper, dirty dishes in the sink.  And the things that might be bigger to some--a forgotten birthday, a feeling of being taken for granted, whatever.  But again, if you leave a relationship the first time one of these things happens, then you are not giving yourself a chance to grow in that relationship.  You've heard it said that a relationship is 50/50 but you know in reality it is not that way.  Sometimes it is 80/20 or 30/70 but for each person the goal should be to give 100%.  I don't honestly believe a relationship is ever 100/100 even though that is our goal.  We get busy.  We get frustrated.  We get sidetracked.  But if our goal is to give our all--to bear all things, to believe all things, to hope all things, to endure all things--then I think we can watch the relationship flourish.  Of course, you know in all of this is the fact that we have to learn to ask for, offer and give forgiveness.  

So today, take a few minutes to meditate on I Corinthians 13:4-7.  Then measure your relationship against it and join me in working on those areas where we fall short. Through prayer God can help us have these aspects in our interactions with others. May you all feel loved today by our Father, your family and friends.  I am sending a hug out to each of you today to let you know I appreciate you.  Thanks for reading!!