Slow Down the Pace

Every day, for a multitude of reasons, I become more and more concerned for our children and young people.  I just want to share some of these thoughts with you today.  These are my personal thoughts so feel free to have a different opinion--that doesn't bother me at all.

For some reason, somebody, somewhere decided that children should not be allowed to be children.  It seems they should be reading before they can walk and writing sentences before they can make one.  I know that is a little exaggerated--but not much.  Why are we in such a rush for our children, who only have a little time to be carefree, to move out of childhood into adulthood?  I am constantly saying to no one in particular and to everyone who will listen--WHAT IS THE RUSH???!!!!

Think back to your own childhood.  Some of you are younger than me (which is more and more frequent these days) but I imagine that even those of you who are in your 30s remember childhood being a time of fun and discovery.  I know I grew up in a different time out in the country, but I remember days spent playing outside.  Some of my fondest memories are of days when time had no meaning to me.  I remember playing in Kim Suiter's playhouse and walking to her grandmother's house.  As I got older I remember putting a quilt under the walnut tree in the front yard during the summer and staying there for a long time reading books.  I remember playing in the mud and learning to ride my bike.  And some memories are funny now but weren't then... like my brother dragging my bike behind his with a rope and me not staying upright--no he didn't stop!  Or the times we fought and I always got the worst whipping because he'd go first and make Momma mad because he laughed and then I'd get to make up for it!  But it was a good time.  I learned things that were beneficial to me as an adult while I was growing up--like how to do laundry and cook and clean house.  But I also learned how to entertain myself.  Once I was old enough to read, I read through the entire Childcraft series we had--some of you remember those red and white books your parents got with the World Books!!!  And here is the craziest thing in all the world---I did not have any "formal" education until I was 6 years old and went to the 1st grade!!!!!!!!  HORROR OF HORRORS!

Now, I already hear your responses--there is so much more for children to learn today.  But I beg to differ.  Didn't you learn to read and do math (real math not some of this crazy stuff) and study health and history and science?  Well, kids today have to learn the same things.  Oh, but what about technology? you say.   What about it?  I didn't grow up with technology but I work every single day using it.  Children don't have to know how to open their iPad before they know how to open the door.  They will learn what they need to learn along the way---just like you did.  Just like I did.  Just like every generation from the beginning of time did.  Slow down with your children.  Turn off the TV and talk to them.  Teach them to entertain themselves. (We all know that playing make-believe is one of the best things for a child to do to help develop their intelligence and social skills.)  Let's take more time teaching our children about the fruits of the Spirit.  Teach them to be good and kind and compassionate and empathetic.  Teach them about Jesus and what He did for them.  Sing songs.  Dance.  Run races.  Laugh.  But, slow down.  I promise you with all my heart that you will not regret one single minute you spend with them and long after you are gone, they will tell stories about things you did together.  (Y'all know my stories about building fences with my Daddy before I was school age!)

Next, I'm going to talk about something that will probably get me in lots and lots of trouble but at this point I don't care.  (This is my personal blog, by the way.)   Why are y'all in such a hurry for your teenagers to become adults and get out of your house?  Haven't you already seen that being an adult is not the greatest thing in the world?  Haven't you ever longed to go back to be dependent on your parents to worry about the bills?  Why does anybody think that a 20 year old is ready to take on the world?  I know they think they are but you know that 99% of them are not.  So why are in such a rush to get them out of college?  Yes, I know money is an issue.  Yes, I know that taking classes at the high school is less expensive.  But really, is it that important?  Those students who qualify for those classes are going to be able to get some scholarship money.  And, anyway, as a Junior and Senior in high school were you TRULY concerned about your college and career choices?  Not me.  I was having the time of my life--especially my senior year when I only needed 3 more credits to graduate. I enjoyed every single minute of that year.  No stress.  No pressure.  Time to be a teenager and learn things that were going to be important in my adult life.  My dad got cancer the first time while I was in high school.  My mom stayed in Memphis with him the entire time.  I went to school but I also was given the responsibility of paying the bills from their account.  So I had to learn how to be sure bills were paid on time.  That turned out to be much more helpful to me in adulthood than taking college algebra would have.  And if your child has the opportunity to go to a community college on an academic scholarship, you could be harming yourself by getting all of those college courses early.  You may also hurt their chances of getting "freshman" scholarships at a university if they go straight there.  It is ok to take 4-5 years to get out of college.  It is ok to start off as a freshman with freshman classes.  Yes, I know each of you have children who are extremely academically gifted.  But, again I say, it is perfectly OK to take freshman classes your freshman year.  Most of us are not socially, emotionally, nor cognitively mature enough at 17 or 18 to be taking junior and senior level college classes. I know you are under pressure from the principal and counselors because they are under pressure from the superintendent because they are under pressure from MDE because they are under pressure from the legislature---most who are NOT educators.  Let your academically gifted child take AP courses instead. I think they need time during their high school years to enjoy high school.  I'm perfectly fine with a high school student having a job as long as it allows them to still be involved in school.  I want them to learn to cook and do laundry and iron clothes and change a tire (or a light bulb) and have time to learn about dealing with friends and people who pretend to be your friends.  But they can't learn those things if they are so busy getting a college education in high school that it takes up all of their time.   I know this is not setting well with some of you, but again, my personal blog, my personal thoughts. (And, of course, I think you should be at Holmes for 4 semesters anyway! :) )

So the big take away--slow down the pace with your children.  They don't have to participate in every activity that comes along.  They don't have to be an adult by the time they are 5.  We know that theory was debunked years ago--children are not miniature adults!  Children do not have the mind of teenager.  Teenagers do not have the mind of an adult.  From my heart--the heart of a teacher and a grandmother--let your children enjoy growing up.  You ENJOY watching them grow up and participate in their lives.  Slow down.  Take time.  Adulthood comes soon enough, you know.

Good People, Bad Decisions, Christians and Sin

Good people make bad decisions. Christian people make wrong choices. Saved people sin.  These are some facts that, no matter how you try to make it otherwise, just are true.  If you are thinking right now, "I'm saved and I don't sin", then I want you to think about what went through your mind the last time someone pulled out in front of you on the highway or turned off without using a blinker.  I'm sure you thought, "that is perfectly fine, I don't mind if I'm involved in an accident today."  I'm guessing you laughed and thought "Hardly."  So let's just go with the fact that we all have sinned, made bad decisions, and wrong choices.

I think the hardest thing for most parents is to not be able to protect a child from hurt or harm.  And to keep them from making bad decisions.  But, no matter how hard we try, we can't always protect them.  We can't keep them from bad choices.  And we would like to think we would not get into that type of predicament either. However, it doesn't matter the age of your child or even yourself.  Whether you are 7, 17, or 57 you are still at risk of being in a situation of your own making that is not what you planned.  So, now what?

Now is where we ask for forgiveness.  From God and from those we have hurt in the process. If you are not the one in the wrong, but the one who was "wronged" then you are the one who has to forgive.  And love.  I remember times when I wouldn't have blamed my momma if she had locked me in my room until I was 21.  But she never did.  She always forgave and she never stopped loving.  And there have been times when I could have disowned a child.  But I didn't.  If anything, I had to love them more to make sure they knew that even though I was heartbroken, I still loved them.

Remember there are no big sins and little sins; just sins.  It doesn't matter if the bad decision led to an arrest, an unplanned pregnancy, a failing grade or whatever.  Once the decision, the choice, has been made, there is no going back.  We can only go forward.  In 1 John 1:9 we are told "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."  If we can be forgiven for ALL the many sins we have committed, then we have to be willing to forgive those around us.

It seems that around Christmas people begin to really focus on love.  Obviously it is a time when God sent us Love in the baby Jesus.  But we shouldn't just love once a year, we should love all the time.  1 Peter 4:8 says - "And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins."  And maybe this is a good place for us to remind ourselves that it is not for us to judge others--Luke 6:37 - "Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:".  This is the area that I plan to ask God to help me with the most as we begin a new year.  I want to be slow to make assumptions, slow to judge others, and quick to offer love and forgiveness.  Some of you may want to join me in the venture!!

So, before you start telling someone about a terrible decision, choice or sin of someone else, stop and think about this verse in Luke.  Because good people make bad decisions, Christian people make wrong choices and saved people sin.  As we go through our days let us keep this in mind.  And let us always love.  Always.

Just A Vapour

James 4:14 "Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away."


For whatever reason, I woke up with this verse on my mind.  I just kept thinking "If you knew this was your last day, what would you have to say about your life?"  And I immediately thought "I've had a good life."   Yes, there have been lots of ups and downs along the way---that is just the way life is--but I've had a good life.  I have a group of people who love me (even when I make it hard), I have a handful of faithful, praying friends (which is more than most people have), and I feel like I've had a positive impact in the lives of people from several generations.  My kids turned out ok.  My grandchildren are precious and imperfect (they get the second characteristic from me!)  I got to walk both of my parents to the end of this life as they left for the next.  And I have HOPE!!  Hope because Jesus is my Savior.  Hope because He promised me a life fulfilled! John 10:10"... I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."  Hope that after this life I will sit at His feet and that He is preparing me a mansion (Y'all can read those other versions and just get an apartment if you want to, but this girl is getting a mansion!)

I would hope that people remembered more of the good times and fewer of the bad that we've shared.  I'd want there to be more laughter than tears.  I'd hope somebody could say that they saw Jesus in me.  I'd hope somebody would say that their life was better because our lives crossed.  And I want to continue to do the things that would make these statements true for as much time as I have.  

Maybe it is because we are approaching Momma's birthday and Christmas.  And just went through the month when Daddy went home as did some of my favorite uncles.  Maybe it is because the hardest part of the semester is over and I haven't started gearing up for the next--and my last.  Maybe it is because Bro. Aaron made us think about it a couple of weeks ago.  Or maybe its just that God wanted to remind me that my time on this earth is limited.  Maybe He wanted me to remember that I only have a limited amount of time to tell people about Him, to share His love, to be His messenger.  There could be a lot of maybes.  And really, it doesn't even matter why I was having these thoughts.  What matters is that I did.  And now, so have you.

All that leads me, and you as well, to ponder on what we are doing with our lives.  We can't go back and fix what we messed up 10, 20, 40 years or months or days or hours ago.  We can, however, be purposeful in what we do from this very moment on.  We need to be intentional with how we live our days because that will eventually make up our lives.  If I live to be 100 or die at 57, I want to know that I did something that made my time on earth worthwhile.  Until the very end I want to be able to say "I've had a good life."  My prayer is that you can do the same.  

Psalm 138:8 "The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O Lord, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands."

Life Was Easier When....

Quite often as I scroll through Facebook or Instagram and see pictures of people with new babies or toddlers or school age children or teens, I often wonder how they feel about that particular season of their life.  I know as we move through midlife that we often look back to our childhood and say, "life was so much easier then."  But it really wasn't.  Or was it?  And maybe, you have on occasion (as I have often) said "life will be better (or easier or richer or whatever positive) when such and such occurs.  If you haven't figured that out yet, let me assure you that this is not the case.  But I thought for a while and got to reviewing life up to this point.....

As as little girl I was always in a hurry to grow up.  (Now I wonder why because being a grown up is not all fun and games and no matter your age there is always somebody that tells you what you can and can't do!)  But as I look back on those times, life was easier when Momma and Daddy made all the decisions.  I didn't know it then but what a blessing to just go about my day and never worry about food or shelter or clothes.  They took care of everything for me.  Yes, life was easier when I was a child.

Then I got to be a teenager!  My oh my!  How I had awaited those years!  I could wear makeup and date and drive the family car (didn't have my own car till I was a junior in college!).  And still, Momma and Daddy not only took care of everything but they also set the boundaries.  I had one of those horrible things called a curfew (unfortunately for my sons I decided that was a good thing so they had one too!!).  We didn't have cell phones so if I was going to be late I'd have to find a pay phone (and hope I had a dime) to call and let Momma know.  Because the one thing I knew I did not want was for Daddy to drive to town to look for me!!  But teenage years can be tough.  Boys could be mean and girls meaner.  Dreams didn't always come true and sometimes if you didn't mess up well enough on your own, somebody would invent a story to help you on a downward spiral.  But all of that doesn't seem as important now as it did then.  Yes, life was easier when I was a teenager.

Fast forward a few years and I finished my first degree and got married (not in that order  ha ha) and started to work and then started a family.  I taught a while then stayed home to raise the boys.  Mark worked and made the living and I changed 2 sets of diapers and rocked babies and played games and read books and watched The Elephant Show (are you singing Skidamarink now?) and did my own thing.  But I couldn't wait for the boys to get potty trained and self sufficient and not have to hear Momma a thousand times a day.  And, yes, GFL, I couldn't wait for them to get grown and out of the house.  But even though they required a lot of attention, we had fun and I have good memories and only rarely did I have to wonder where they were.  Yes, life was better when I was in my 20s.

Then the boys became teenagers.  And how I loved that age!!  There was lots of racket all the time with guys in and out of my house.  But then they got a driver's license and I couldn't be with them all the time.  Again, they had no cell phones so I couldn't track their phone to know where they were.  But, MOST of the time they were where they were supposed to be and came home on time bringing others home with them at times.  And they would go spend the night at the hunting camp and Momma would cook them a huge breakfast and they only got in bad trouble one time.  Great memories.  Yes, life was easier when the boys were teens.

Too soon they went away to college.  And from college to a job.  And they were on their own.  And they fell in love a time or two.  And they had their hearts broken.  And I couldn't fix it.  And that was hard.  But they were happy most of the time and employed and paying their own bills and would still come and visit and we'd laugh and watch tv and talk about important things and nothing at all.  My nest was empty but my heart was full.  Mark and I were healthy and able to go and do whatever we wanted to without worrying about somebody looking for me (although one night one of the boys did call at 10--we now had cell phones--and asked what we were doing out so late!)  Yes, life was easier when the boys grew up.

Today, our family has grown by 2 daughters that I adore and 3 grandchildren that fill my heart and we are busy all the time.  Mark and I still laugh over the same things we did in high school and talk to each other in silly ways like we did when we were dating.  And we get to enjoy watching the grandchildren and laugh and laugh when one of them does something to drive their daddy crazy that was exactly what their daddy did to drive us crazy.  And our hearts just grow with each addition to the family.  We get quality time with our grandchildren and sometimes the wives even send their husbands home and tell me to tend to them a while.  And that is such a blessing.  I have a job I love with people who are fun to be with.  Mark works a dozen different jobs it seems but we still find time to sit and watch tv or sing or laugh or--one of our favorite things--watch high school football.  And we don't have the finest everything but we have enough because God is enough and He supplies our needs.  So, I guess I can say, yes life is easier right now.

There have been some bad things along the way, deaths and trials and sorrow that we all face in life.  But that is ok.

In July, God willing, I will begin a new season of my life.  And I may say to you that life was easier when I worked full time.  But, I pray that I will be able to say--Life is easier now than ever before.

Where Can I Hide from You?

Psalms 139:7-10 Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.

This past week Bro. Billy Little referenced these verses during the service.  I smiled a little when I turned my Bible to these scriptures because they had long been underlined.  I'm not exactly sure when I marked them, but they are verses that I have turned to over and over again.  In good times these verses remind me that God is always right there with me.  In bad times these verses remind me that God is always right there with me.  And with you too.

Each and every one of us go through times in our lives where we feel that we are in the depths of hell.  Loved ones are sick; bills are overdue; people die unexpectedly; jobs are lost;  marriages are struggling; kids are headed down the wrong road.  We have all been in those times when we felt like God had forgotten we exist. Like we were so far separated from Him that we could not feel His spirit.  Times when we longed to feel His peace.  But these verses remind us that even in those times, those terrible times, that God was right there with us. His right hand was holding us all the time!

So, if today you are feeling that you are so feeling you are somewhere that God can't reach you, remember these verses.  I don't know what the remainder of this day holds, much less what lies ahead tomorrow or next week or next month or 10 years from now.  Except this one thing--no matter where I am, no matter what I'm going through, God is ever with me.  What a comfort that is.  :)

The Day of Small Things

Zechariah 4:10   "For who hath despised the day of small things?"

Some days.  You know those days.  You are tired before you get out of bed.  People in both lanes are driving BELOW the speed limit.  You can't get some people you care about who are hurting or struggling off your mind.  You leave stuff you need at home.  You are greeted with problems before you get in the door good. You spill coffee on your white shirt.  You wish your Momma was here to rub your head and tell you everything is ok.  Oh, wait.  That may just be me.  But that is my today.  The day when all of those small things seem to be piling up on my head and in my heart.  I'm pretty sure that is not what God was talking about in Zechariah but it is a day of small things.  And I don't like them.

And it is on those days, those days when I most need to count my blessings that I find myself struggling with questions.  Selfish things....why does everybody seem to be out to get me today?  Why can't these people take care of their own issues?  Why can't I wear white just once and not spill something on it?!   But unselfish things too...why can't you give that person some hope?  Why are those friends in so much pain?  Why, Lord, since You are perfect, can't we have a perfect day, or better yet, a perfect life?

I know the answer.  Sin.  Romans 5:12 begins "Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world," Stay with me here.  Did sin make me forget my purse or spill my coffee?  No, of course not.  But that is the reason we will never have a perfect day or a perfect life as long as we are on this earth. From the time that Eve was deceived and Adam took a bite of that fruit, sin has been in the world.  If you look around the world today you will see the truth in these words clearly:  2nd Timothy3:2  "For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, 4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;" And I have to think to myself, some of these describe me. This is not what God wants us to be, but in our sinful state we very likely may be.  Instead of being frustrated by the traffic, I need to be thankful I made it to work without a wreck.  Instead of thinking that coffee spill ruined my "cute" look today, I should have been grateful I had a shirt to wear and I was not burned.  Instead of wishing for that perfect day, I should have been more concerned as to what I could do help someone else.  You see where I'm going with this.  It is so easy to let the small things, the little things, the things that 5 years from now, even 5 hours from now, will mean nothing to us get in our way.  Why, oh why, am I so easily distracted by those small things?

So, after I apologized to God for getting my knickers in a twist, I thought of this verse:  “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” Philippians 4:8.   So that is where I'll turn my focus.  I will think about the nice young man getting buggies in the Wal Mart parking lot telling me I looked nice today (coffee stain and all).  I will think of the fact that there are still good people in this world who try to help others along the way.  I will think about the teenage girl who stated that it was more important to her to know that she belonged to Jesus than it did to belong to a certain clique.  I will think of my grandchildren who are so precious.  I will tell someone some good news and not just bad news.  Because in the midst of all those small things that make me frustrated there are just as many small things that bring me joy and happiness!  I will leave you with a quote from Richard Carlson, author of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff....and its all small stuff):  “When you take time , often to reflect on the miracle of life - the miracle that you are even able to read this book - the gift of sight, of love and all the rest, it can help to remind you that many of the things that you think of as "big stuff" are really just "small stuff" that you are turning into big stuff.”

Thanks for being a part of the good things in my life.  :)

Mr. & Mrs.....and me

In my life I have played many roles.  Some of them were harder than others but anybody who knows me well knows that two of my favorites are Momma and Nonni. But before I could become the Nonni, I had to become the dreaded MOTHER-IN-LAW!!  Ha ha.

Over the years I have watched my boys make some serious (and not so serious) decisions.  Were all of these decisions that I agreed with and that made me happy?  NO WAY!!  But when it came time for each to choose his wife, wow, they both did great!!  I didn't cry a single tear at either wedding because I was so happy with the girl---woman---each had chosen to give me as a daughter.  And that is really the way I feel about both of these ladies----they are the daughters I didn't birth but that God knew I needed in my life.  I hear women talk about how their adult daughter is their friend and I thought I would miss out on that completely.  But I haven't.  I have these two wonderful women who are my friends, the ones who keep my boys in line and the ones who gave me some beautiful grands!!!

In a discussion with each of them prior to the wedding I told them I could be a good mother-in-law or a bad mother-in-law.  I had seen examples of each over the years and knew how to be either.  In their wisdom, they both chose the good mother in law and I that made me VERY happy.  Rule number one was, "If you have a problem with me, come tell me and we will deal with it.  Don't tell my son.  And I will do the same."  There have been times when a son asked why I always took his wife's side and the answer was easy---She was right!  lol  I love these girls with a real love and am so thankful for them.

But I also knew I had an important decision to make.  How I dealt with them.  Thankfully, I had God's guidance to know my role...Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."   (I always joked with Mark while my parents were alive that it said a man had to leave HIS father and mother but it didn't say that the woman did!) Clearly my role was defined.
 
And I have tried, and pray I have succeeded, to tell my boys to always put their wives first.  Do what makes them happy even if it might not be what was the norm for our family.  (Except for Christmas Eve, that is the one holiday I claim!  ha ha) I work hard to respect their privacy.   I don't go to their house without either asking first or being invited.  I TRY to stay impartial in their discussion or decisions that they might share with me. And both of "my girls" have been so good to share not only their husbands but also their children with me!   I want to be the mother-in-law that these girls deserve.  When they became Mr. & Mrs., then she became the most important woman in his life.  And that is how it should be.

I guess I'm writing this, not just as a reminder to me but to help those of you who may be moving into the role of mother-in-law for the first time.  It is HARD to let that child of yours become an adult.  But once they get married, they are no longer just your child.  They are somebody's spouse.  So hang in there, Moms, you are still important in their lives.  Just not the most important any more.  And that is how God designed marriage to be.