I am my Father's daughter

" My dear father; my dear friend; the best and wisest man I ever knew, who taught me many lessons and showed me many things as we went together along the country by-ways."--Sarah Orne Jewett

The tears have been just below the surface all day today.  Really for the past week or so I've been very teary-eyed--and sometimes they did overflow.  Today my daddy would have turned 78.  And even though he has been gone from this earth since 2005, I still miss him EVERY SINGLE DAY.  

Many are the days when I talk out loud to him--especially in those times of decision making.  I am always so afraid of making the wrong choice for myself. (Yes, I know I don't have any trouble telling others what they should do. ha)  My Daddy always had a way of looking at things from a different perspective.  There were many times in my life when he and I did not see eye to eye on things.  And he always held me accountable for my own actions.  In hindsight I know that he was right the majority of the time but I am just as strong-willed as he was so I had to hold my ground.  Don't get me wrong--I never talked back to my Daddy.  No, I enjoyed eating with a full set of teeth too much for that.  But, as I'm sure every teenager has done (including my own), I walked away mumbling under my breath what I'd like to say.  :) 

So much of who I am today is because of my Daddy.  I was always a Daddy's girl.  There was a period of time before I was school age when he worked the 3-11 shift and Momma worked 7-3.  That meant that he and I spent lots of time together.  I "helped" him build fences and whatever else he had to do. As I got older I learned how to work in the garden (never really liked it), how to herd the cows (never stopped being afraid of them) and how to drive the tractor (liked that pretty good because I got to drive during hay hauling time!)  Daddy coached little league baseball for a long time but as I moved into pre-teen and teenage years, he coached a semi-pro team.  That was older guys!!  Those who know me well know there is no place I'd rather be than around a bunch of fellas.  So to get to stay in the dugout, I had to learn to keep the scorebook--which later led to a summer job when I was first married and living in Cleveland.  Many times now there are things I recall that I learned from hanging out with him.

As the daughter--and the baby at that--I'm sure I didn't have the same experiences as my older brother but that is his story to tell, not mine.  ;)

Daddy didn't go to college but he was a very well read man.  He knew something about pretty much everything.  The bookshelf at my childhood home still held his books even after he had been gone a long time.  He would sometimes recommend things to me and one time (and I was adult at this time) he made me read The King of Torts even though he knew I was not a huge Grisham fan.  He said there were things in that book that I needed to know.  So, you guessed it, I read it!  I think the love for reading and learning that I have today stems from his love of the same.  We never discussed IF I was going to college, we only discussed WHERE I was going.  He did make one mistake with all of that though--he told me he'd pay for my education as long I wanted to go if I maintained the grades.  I don't think he knew how long that would be!  lol

So today, even while my eyes are tear-filled, I remember all the good things about my Daddy.  He was not perfect by any means but the positives I took from him far outweigh the negatives.  I like to think he'd be proud of how I turned out and how my2 boys have turned out as well.  (I know he would have been traveling with us every Friday to watch one of them coach had he still been alive.)  So--happy birthday, Daddy.  I hope you and Momma are walking on the golden streets hand in hand today.  And as you are watching over your little girl, never for a moment think that I don't appreciate all the things you brought to my life.

"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me".

 Jim Valvano

Choosing Your Path

"God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him."  Jim Elliot

Everybody takes their own path in life.  Some marry young and begin their families looking toward an empty nest in early midlife.  Some marry and wait many years to have children.  Some marry early with no intentions of every having children.  Some marry late.  Some do not marry at all.  Does one person have a right to determine how another person's life should be?  Of course not.  Each person follows a unique path.  If we are willing to listen to God's directions, He will head each of us down the right path.

This week in Sunday School we were discussing God's sovereignty and part of our scriptures came from Jeremiah 29.  Verse 11 was included in this study which says (and most are familiar with it):  "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. KJV"  {Here it is for my NIV friends" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.}

I was pondering on that later in the day and was thinking about how hard it is sometimes to let God fulfill His plans.  He will let us charge ahead if we choose to do so.  This led me to thinking how God does not have the same plans for everybody.  He distinctly said "toward YOU"  That is pretty personal---His place for each and every one of His children.  His plans for your path...and every plan must be different because each person has a particular role in God's work.

 It doesn't matter if we are young, old or somewhere in between for us to sometimes rush ahead, or even around, God's plans. If we will stop and listen---yes, I know we don't think we have time for this---we will hear His voice and He will guide us.  Your decisions, your choices, your PATH are strictly between you and God.  

So the next time someone asks you why you are single or why you haven't started a family or why you started so early etc.  remind them that God has the right path for you to follow.  Following His plan is always better than anything we could come up with on our own.  

Dear Heavenly Father,
Help us each to see the need for Your guidance and direction in our lives.  Forgive us for being stubborn and wanting to have things our way.  Soften our hearts and minds so that every choice is based in You.  Thank you for preparing a path especially for each of us in this world so that we can better serve you.
In the name of Jesus we pray.  Amen

Choices, change, talents and God

Why is it so hard to make changes?  If we know something isn’t working for us any more, if we feel like we are dragging an anchor behind us with each step, why can’t we just stop doing that and do something else?

Maybe it is just me.  Maybe it’s not.   Maybe it is not uncommon to be afraid of change; to be afraid to take risks; to be afraid to let go of what has been for so long--to reach for something different.  What do you do when you are faced with decisions such as this?  I know that my first way of getting advice is praying.  And then I have a few trusted friends and family members that I know will give me unbiased, very honest opinions (even if I don’t like it).  But in the end, I always know that there must be a sense of peace in my heart that lets me know that this decision is the right one--that this change is truly necessary. 

I read these words from By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept by Paulo Coelho and thought:  I don’t want this to be me. 

“Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks. Perhaps this person will never be disappointed or disillusioned; perhaps she won’t suffer the way people do when they have a dream to follow. But when that person looks back – and at some point everyone looks back – she will hear her heart saying, “What have you done with the miracles that God planted in your days? What have you done with the talents God bestowed on you? You buried yourself in a cave because you were fearful of losing those talents. So this is your heritage; the certainty that you wasted your life.”

That passage contains some pretty hard hitting questions—“What have you done with the miracles that God planted in your days?  What have you done with the talents God bestowed on you?”  Wow.  How often do we truly stop to see if we are using all the gifts that God gave us, all the talents He has allowed us to develop?  For myself I have to say, not often enough.   Why would we bury what He has given us instead of using it to our best ability?  I think of the rich man who entrusted 3 of his servants with a set number of talents (5, 2 and 1) and put them in charge of their portion until he returned.  The servants who had received the 5 talents and the two talents doubled what they had for the master.  They were called “good and faithful servant.”  But the one who only received one talent hid his portion for fear of losing it and therefore gained nothing for his master.  He was called “Thou wicked and slothful servant.”  Now which of these would be better?  Of course--to be the good and faithful servant.  (See Matthew 25:14-30 for entire parable.) 

That says to me that we are to use whatever God gave us in a way that is best in His service.  Sometimes to truly become the good and faithful servant we have to have change.  We have take risks.  We have to move away from what is comfortable to where our heart (in hearing God’s voice) leads us.  I think I am often afraid--much like the 3^rd servant.  I’m afraid I’ll mess up somehow; I’m afraid I’ll make the wrong decision; I'm afraid I'll lose what I have.  But I’m even more afraid of looking back over my life with “the certainty that [I] wasted [my] life.”

Think about the gifts and talents God has entrusted to you.  Decide whether you are using those to His glory or simply hiding them.  Sometimes…sometimes we have to get over our fears, take the risks and fulfill the plan that God has for us.  And if we are truly following His lead then we will have no need to fear. “Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.” Deuteronomy 31:6

Which servant will you choose to be?  What risks or changes are you avoiding?  What are you so afraid of?

Choices and Forgiveness

There are things I've done that I can't undo.  There are choices I've made that I can't unmake.  There are roads I've traveled down that have no turn-around point.  I've made some good decisions but I've made some bad ones too.  

What about you?  Could you make some of these statements?  Is it sometimes difficult, especially in adulthood, to look back over your life and realize that some of the things that can't be changed are the things that haunt you the most?  So what can each of us do with the guilt, shame, disappointment or maybe even loathing, that we feel toward ourselves?  What can we do with the burden we've been carrying for so long?

Well, I'll tell you the answer.  In Matthew Jesus says: " Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."11:28  In I John the Bible says:  "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1:9  That is really pretty simple if you think about it.  Confess.  Tell Jesus.  And He will forgive us and cleanse us.  We don't have to carry those burdens any longer because once they are forgiven, they are gone.  "As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." Psalm 103:12.  You can never get to the west by traveling east.  You just always keep going east.  So that means that our sins are so far removed from us that we will never have to ask to be forgiven for them again.  God is good that way.  And what really helps a sinner like me is to know that even when I mess up, make a bad choice, SIN, He will still forgive when I confess.  My part is easy.  Jesus did the hard work many years ago.

Sometimes though, even after we've asked and received forgiveness from our Father, we still can't forgive ourselves.  That is where I often find myself.  Struggling with the images that come into my mind, reminders of those long ago choices that were wrong.  That is when I really have to turn to God and ask, not for forgiveness for those same sins, but for forgiveness for not trusting His word, His promises enough.  If He is faithful and just as the Bible said, if He does remove our sins as far as the east is from the west, then I have to trust that.  I have to believe that.  I have to let it go.  I did it.  I confessed it.  He forgave it.  Its gone.

So if or when you have a time when you are reminded of your past bad decisions, remind yourself again of God's forgiveness.  Of His everlasting love.  Of the work He did on the cross.  If the One who made you can forgive you (and me) of your (our) horrific choices, surely you (and I) can forgive ourselves too.

2 Corinthians 5:17-18 King James Version (KJV)
 ¹⁷ Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

¹⁸ And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation

Rocking on the Porch

I was sitting on the front porch in a rocking chair watching the most important man in my life on a John Deere.  I was thinking how I'd really like to go to Bloodworth's store and get some fresh sliced ham and some hoop cheese to make a sandwich. A real Coca-Cola in a glass bottle would just top top it off.  I knew when I finished eating that meal that there would be something really good for dessert made with loving hands.  Yep, that sounded like a plan. I could hop on my bike and ride those few miles or maybe I could get a ride in the car. 

Then I heard Adele playing on Pandora on my cell phone.  Back to reality.  I was sitting on the porch in the rocker but it was my husband on the stick steer mower and not my Daddy on the tractor that I was watching.  The sandwich still sounded like a good idea but I wasn't sure how late the store stayed open on Saturday.  And there would be something good for dessert but it would be my hands that made it--but it would still be filled with love.

It is odd how sometimes the smallest things bring back so many memories.  I remembered the many times I spread a quilt under the walnut tree in the front yard and stretched out to read a book.  I thought about the times with my Grandma Mitchell watching her dry sliced apples on the tin roof of the old building in the back yard.  I laughed thinking about the chickens and how I hated the rooster because he always tried to peck my ankles.  Of course, I liked to watch Grandma catch a hen and wring her neck!  Fried chicken was on the way!  In my mind I could hear Momma's voice calling from the back door to come on in.  Good memories.  Good times.

I miss a lot of things about those days--a lot has certainly changed..  Daddy and Grandma have reached their eternal Home and Momma doesn't say anything any more.  I long quite often for time to just be still and read a book--no worries, no rush.  I miss so much from my childhood days.

A lot of things I don't miss though. I never really liked dried apples in my fried pies so I'm glad now to just make them with applesauce.  And when Momma called me to come in I was probably helping Daddy do some kind of work. (I'm sure I was never as much "help" as I thought I was!)  And I really do prefer buying my chicken with no bones or skin--and especially no feathers.  :)

So I waited for the lawnmower to be loaded on the trailer.  I left the porch and got ready to head back to our house.  But I carried with me a sense of peace and comfort that I rarely feel as an adult.  And for a little while that was enough.

The Day We Said "I Do"

At 2:30 in the afternoon on June 5, 1982 I made the most important commitment of my life.  That was the day I vowed to love, honor, and encourage (Come on!  You knew I was not going to say "obey"!) one man for as long as we both shall live.  I made this vow in the house of God with those we love best watching.  My Uncle Henry performed the ceremony and I knew once we slipped those rings on our fingers and sealed it with a  kiss that this was a forever commitment.

Here we are 30 years later.  30 years!!  We were so young and not nearly as smart as we thought we were. :)  But that sacred covenant between the two of us with God is what has held us together through these past 30 years.  I would be lying if I said that every minute of every day of every year was perfect and stress free and romantic.  During those years we have raised 2 baby boys to manhood.  We have buried grandparents and parents; grown dogs and new puppies.  We have spent hours working, watching athletics, and serving God.  And some of that time fighting--or really I yelled and screamed and he just sat there quietly or walked away. (Nothing is quite as aggravating as wanting a good argument and getting no response!  lol) But it was ok for us to go through those rough times.  It just cemented the commitment we had made.  We could disagree all we wanted but neither of us could leave.  Oh, one of us might take a ride somewhere but we always ended up right back here--together--and made up and learned things and moved on. 

I am certainly not the same person today as I was then and neither is he.  But that is the way it is supposed to be.  You grow; you mature; you learn; you change.  But through it all I knew that we would always have each other.  (Of course, my Dad said I was non-returnable so I guess that may have helped some! ha ha)  If I had known everything I know right now, would I have done some things differently?  Probably.  Would I want to change everything?  No way.  Maybe we don't live in the house I'd dreamed of but it is a house filled with love and laughter and good food.  I still don't have my '65 Corvette convertible but I've never been without a way to go.  No picket fence, no perfect life but more important things.  In those times when I didn't think I could cope, I had the love and strong arms of the man who promised to be there--always.  I knew where my husband was, who he was with and what he was doing for the past 30 years.  I never feared that he would be out till all hours of the night.  And I knew that come Sunday morning we would be in church--as a family.  What a wonderful thing.

We made it through some tough times and some times when we were discouraged.  But the fact that we stood our ground and stuck it out has gotten us to this time of our lives.  We still work and have lots of responsibilities in our lives.  But we still love one another and, maybe more importantly, we still LIKE one another.  I'd rather spend time with my husband than anybody else I know.  We are more likely to be listening to the Booth Brothers or the Talleys than Meatloaf or Journey but we are still known to listen to a little James Taylor.  And the real Saturday Night Live still cracks us up!

The point to all of this is this:  even though this has not been a perfect ride, it has been worthwhile.  I am so thankful for a Godly husband who loves me more than anyone else on this earth.  A husband who opens my doors, holds my hand and keeps me laughing.  The husband of my youth that is still the husband of my middle age and, if God allows, will be the husband of my late adulthood. 

Happy Anniversary, Babe.  I love you more today than 30 years ago!

What God has joined together...

I know even as I start to write this that it will not be well received by some of my closest friends and family.  But that's ok.  It won't be the first time I said something they didn't like.  :-)  But they love me anyway! 

Yesterday I attended a beautiful wedding ceremony for two very special people.  I go to a lot of weddings and I don't always feel like the bride and groom have really thought about what they were doing, what they were promising.  (I didn't feel that way about yesterday's couple, however!)  As I was listening to the words of the ceremony I was again reminded of the seriousness of the vows we take when we marry.  In Matthew 19:6 God's word says:  "Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."  One flesh--no longer 2 people where each is only interested in his/her own happiness but one--one flesh working together to serve God.  And I think most couples are thinking to themselves,"yeah, that's ok, we can become one."  But it is the next part that people often overlook--the  part about what God has joined man is not to put asunder.  Here is the definition of asunder:

1. Into separate parts or pieces: broken asunder.

2. Apart from each other either in position or in direction.

So when we take a marriage that is whole (one) and make it asunder (broken) then we have gone against the very Word of God.  That is pretty serious business.

Then we get to the part of the ceremony where the couple exchanges vows and rings.  In the traditional marriage vows the bride and groom each  make some solemn promises and ends these vows with these words:  from this day forward until death do us part. The ring ceremony explains that the wedding band is a circle--never-ending.  Sometimes you hear the preacher say "from this day until eternity."  That is forever.

Now, here is the part where I'm going to catch it...
We have gotten so accustomed to the idea of divorce that many couples do not give it a second thought.  And I know I'm old and I know I don't think like most people BUT I grew up being taught that marriage was a one-shot deal.  Even to the point that if you did have just cause to get a divorce (because one was being abused, for example) that you remained alone from that point on.  Some of you know what I"m talking about--that as long as the person you married is living you are not free to marry another.  I know, I know, I'm jumping into some pretty deep waters here.  But it concerns me to see not only young people but middle-aged and older adults who just jump from marriage to marriage because they were bored or unhappy or unfulfilled. So since you don't want to spend your life in prison  you can't murder them, so you just have to work to keep it together. 

This is probably one of the biggest decisions that a person ever makes in their entire lifetime. Because it is a decision that will impact you for a lifetime.  That is why I just wanted to remind those who have never married that if you make that decision you need to be sure you have looked at all the aspects of spending the rest of your life with one other person.  You need to be mature enough to make such a life-altering decision.

I won't tell you that if you truly make this commitment that your marriage will be trouble-free because then I would be telling a lie.  It will be hard.  I was talking to someone the other day who said "I'm not married but I know that marriage is hard work."  That is a very true statement.  So in this time of year where weddings are rampant, take the time to really consider what you are doing. 

Please take this with all the love and caring with which it is written, (And it is certainly not a judgment piece because there is not enough space in any blog to list all of MY own faults and failures.)  It is just an example of an "aged woman" (that is me) teaching the younger women.  May God bless you each today and always!!