End of an Era--Beginning of a New Season

I am going to admit right off that I started writing this when I still had 14 working days left and will probably add to it until my final day.  I haven't decided if I'm going to work all of those days and thinking right now that June 27th will probably be my last day.

That being said, I do have some thoughts about this transition.  It amazes me that the first question everybody asks is "What are you going to do now?"  My general response is to laugh and say "I'm going to sleep for the first six months!"  And that is pretty true.  I do not intend to make any long term commitments for the first 6 months unless God drops something in my lap.

Here's the thing--I'm not retiring because I want to leave Holmes.  I have been coming here on a daily basis since 1987 and the majority of my time here has been extremely pleasant (and I say that only because NO work place is perfect.)  I have loved Holmes for a long time, it is an important part of who I am and I still love it. I grew up here and so did my boys.  It is as much my home as any place.  I'm retiring because I want to make my own schedule.  If I was choosing to continue working on somebody else's time schedule I would stay right where I am.  I have wonderful co-workers and I love these people I work with day to day.  If I have to work full time--this is where I would want to be--so never think I'm leaving the full-time workforce because of Holmes.  That is far from the truth.

So why am I retiring at the relatively young age of 58?  Mainly because I'm tired.  For several years I worked two positions that had me at work day and night.  During much of that time I was also responsible for taking care of and checking on my mom, my mom's business, my aunt and my aunt's business.  I spent most of my "off" time at assisted living and nursing homes.  And that was ok.  That was what I felt I was supposed to do, what I wanted to do, and I have no regrets for doing that.  But it was taxing and took a toll on me physically, mentally and emotionally.  So I just want to rest a bit.  And do some things I've wanted to do for years but couldn't because I had to work.  I want to go to lunch and a movie with a girlfriend in the middle of the week.  I want to go on short trips.  I want to enjoy this season of my life before, as my grandson said about his "pet" worm one time--I get old and rusty and die!  ha ha But mostly--sleep!  LOL  (Call me lazy and I don't care.  Mark will always have clean clothes and food and he is the only one I'm responsible to now! ha)

Another thing is that every day when I read the obits in the Clarion-Ledger I see more and more people my age and younger who are just dying!  I have 32 years in the retirement system and I hate to think that I would just work until the end and never get to reap the fruits of my labor.  On the other side of that, I have no guarantee that Mark and I are going to have another 30 years together and I want to be able to enjoy some time with him now.  I want to be able to tag along to the dog trials. Also, I want to be able to go see my grands in everything they do.  I don't want to be worried about taking off work because I have a meeting when one of them has something in the middle of the day at school.  I want to enjoy them!!  I want them to remember that I was there and that they were a very important part of my life.

My last reason, I think, is that I know God has used me in the lives of many students over the years but I feel that He has something new for me to do now.  I want to be able to mentor younger wives and mothers.  I want to be able to visit and cook for and help out other people when they are sick.  I want to be able to touch lives in a different way.  I have a multitude of things I want to do where I can just be a servant.  I know God will supply our needs wherever He guides me because He has never let us down in our lifetimes.  I wish to be a better follower of Him and contributor to His work in my latter years than I have in my previous years.

I had been working on a plan for the past few weeks and just today got the answers I needed to see that it was not going to work out.  That is ok because that just means I got ahead of God's plan.  He knows and I am letting Him set the tone and the timetable.

I will admit that occasionally I have a moment of fear.  But every time I do, I get an answer to calm me.  One day it was through a southern gospel song that came on the radio.  Another time it was in the form of message from my pastor on being fearful.  And Mark is so supportive and assures me we will be ok.  He has made sure we were ok for 37 years so no need to doubt that now.

Right now I am sitting at my cleaned off desk in my empty office.  I did feel a tinge of sadness this morning but talked to a friend and it passed.  It is the people I will miss.  My second family--some I am closer to than blood relatives.  Tomorrow will be my last day.  And my last registration.  I thought I was pretty smart to end on a busy day so there will be no time for tears of sadness.

So, today retirement started.  I slept late (of course), changed sheets, did laundry, ironed clothes. vacuumed and mopped kitchen and make some snickerdoodles.  I know, not much rest but so relaxing to work at my own pace--which is slow.  ha ha  Here's to new beginnings!  Can't wait to see what God has in store for this new season of my life!!!