Genesis 2:24
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
It is wedding season! There have been lots of showers with more to come and many weddings over the next few months. Many brides have put hours into planning their perfect wedding and many parents have spent thousands of dollars to be sure their child had the wedding of their dreams. Discussions have been had about flowers and attendants, songs and food, venues and honeymoons. Plans have been made, friends and families have been invited. Everyone comes to the big day. And the ceremony takes 15 minutes and then it is over. The two have become one. Mr. and Mrs. New beginning.
But wait! In all this time that was spent on plans for the wedding, how much time was spent thinking about the marriage? Oh, I know. "And they lived happily ever after..." Lovely ending for a fairy tale but not for real life. Marriage is hard work. There are things you need to discuss before you become one flesh. There are decisions to be made before the situation arises. I am a strong advocate of 3-6 months of premarital counseling for engaged couples. A time to examine those big issues but, equally important, a time to look at those small issues because they are often the ones that lead to the biggest blowups! "Oh," the deeply in love couple says, "those issues won't be a problem for us." (Add buzzer sound here) Wrong. They will be. Let's examine just a few.
Money--are we a couple that pools all our money, keeps our money separate or does a combination of these? This can lead to more problems than you think. And with more couples waiting until they are established in their careers before they get married, this can be even a greater debate. And more than likely, each set of parents did things their own way so you can't just say we will do what our parents did. Once the decision has been made about where to put the money then we have to decide how to spend it, who is responsible for it and what do we do with extra. A scenario I often use with engaged couples is this: You get 500 dollars back on your income tax. What are you going to do with it? You can rest assured these leads to some lively discussions. But it is a necessary discussion.
Holidays/Extended Family---where are we going for Christmas and Thanksgiving? Who gets to see their parents on Mother's Day and Father's day? Who do we visit more often? These issues may be less troublesome if everyone lives in the same town. But what if you all live in different states? What if you live in the same town as one side of the family and not the other? Again, somebody will have to make concessions and that is not always an easy agreement to make.
Leisure Time--how we will spend it? In today's world our time is just as, if not more, valuable as our money. There doesn't seem to be enough of it. So when we have some time, how do we spend it? Do we have to spend it always together? Or can we each do our own thing? One likes to hunt and one doesn't. One likes to tinker with old cars and the other doesn't. One likes to veg out in front of the tv and one likes to "do" something. How do you decide what is fair?
These are just a few things that need to be discussed BEFORE the wedding takes place. And I didn't even try to get into the things like children, careers, church that are huge topics of conversation. The more time spent preparing for the MARRIAGE before the wedding, the better off you will be. I truly believe some couples would have called off the engagement rather than divorcing years later if they had spent some time looking at issues prior to getting married.
And this is my final point and of utmost importance--what about God? Is He going to be the cornerstone of your marriage? Are you going to allow Him to play a part in the decisions you make? Is your main goal as a couple going to be how you can serve God better together than you can individually? This is more than likely the most important decision you are going to have to make as a couple. Those who are Christians know they are not to be "unequally yoked"--
2 Corinthians 6:14says"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? That is something important to consider before you even start dating. But if you are both Believers and Followers of Jesus Christ, how important is that in your marriage? We know how important it is to have the "threefold cord." But this section of Ecclesiastes can also show the importance of "two." Ecclesiastes 4:9-12: 9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. 10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. 11 Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? 12 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Plan the wedding but, so much more importantly, plan the marriage. May God always bless each of you in your marital relationships and may you allow Him to work through you in your future.
