1 Corinthians 13:4-7 King James Version (KJV)
4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 New International Version (NIV)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
(I am including the NIV verses because I think that is how many people recognize these scriptures. We know that charity in the KJV is the same as love so as I write this I will use the word love instead of charity.)
These scriptures refer to the perfect love. While it is a great example of God's love toward us it is also how we should love one another. We hear these scriptures often read at weddings. There is a reason for this--the truths in these verses are important in every relationship we have but they are especially important in romantic relationships. So I just wanted to take some time to break some of this down and help us understand their importance or maybe just renew what we have known all the time.
Long-suffering is defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary as: patiently enduring lasting offense or hardship. There is your patience. Have you ever wondered why this was the first thing in this list? I think it is because if we are not long-suffering, if we are not patient, then we bail on a relationship before we have time to get to the good stuff. If you have been in a relationship longer than 2 hours you know that sometimes that person you love the most can also be the very one that makes your the craziest! So, if the first time one of you did something different from expected and the other ended the relationship you would never learn how to work through those things. Sometimes he is more patient, sometimes she is. But without the patience--yes, you can even say suffering a long time--you don't give the other person the chance to grow to become the person God wants them to be. You also don't give your love time to soothe those hurts. I've never met anyone who said "I am the most patient person in the world." For most of us, that is a struggle for us every day. (On a side note, don't pray for patience because God will provide lots of opportunities for you to practice it!) True love is long-suffering; patient. Keep that in mind.
Love is kind. Being kind is seen as a personality characteristic. It is having a pleasing personality, treating others the same as you wish to be treated. Kindness is based on your own values, morals and ethics. Being kind does not mean you always have to make others happy. It means having empathy. We don't always know what the other person in the relationship is going through but we can be there for them. I am a "venter". When I'm having a bad day, I tend to just let it all fly out of my mouth--not wanting anything fixed, I just need to get it out. It took a few years for my husband to understand that all I wanted was for him to listen and say "I'm sorry you are dealing with that" and give me a hug. He is being kind--having empathy for me. I have had to learn to do the same in return. Being kind sometime means saying no. Think about that for moment, parents. We are being kind when we don't enable someone to continue in a harmful way. Kindness does not come easily for all of us. But through love we can learn the behaviors.
I know you don't want to read through all of the characteristics but I do want to touch on the last verse here: Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Some see beareth to mean covers or conceals or protects. And love does protect the other person and conceals wrongs. Even though today on social media some people feel the need to share every little thing that goes wrong in the relationship, love doesn't do that. When we truly love another person we don't want the rest of the world to know all of their faults. We might talk with our most trusted confidante about a hurt but we don't want everyone else to know. We try to cover them with love so that they feel safe.
Hope--a word that has been used so much that the true meaning is often lost. Hope is a desire that we want to see fulfilled. But it also means trust. Love must have a sense of trust. And your hope is not always just for what YOU want but also what you want the other person to have. Sometimes, sharing a hope--a desire, a trust--binds people together so strongly that outside forces can't come between them.
Finally we see that love endues all things. Abuse, no, but those little things and sometimes big things. You know the little things--the cap is off the toothpaste, dirty socks 2 feet from the hamper, dirty dishes in the sink. And the things that might be bigger to some--a forgotten birthday, a feeling of being taken for granted, whatever. But again, if you leave a relationship the first time one of these things happens, then you are not giving yourself a chance to grow in that relationship. You've heard it said that a relationship is 50/50 but you know in reality it is not that way. Sometimes it is 80/20 or 30/70 but for each person the goal should be to give 100%. I don't honestly believe a relationship is ever 100/100 even though that is our goal. We get busy. We get frustrated. We get sidetracked. But if our goal is to give our all--to bear all things, to believe all things, to hope all things, to endure all things--then I think we can watch the relationship flourish. Of course, you know in all of this is the fact that we have to learn to ask for, offer and give forgiveness.
So today, take a few minutes to meditate on I Corinthians 13:4-7. Then measure your relationship against it and join me in working on those areas where we fall short. Through prayer God can help us have these aspects in our interactions with others. May you all feel loved today by our Father, your family and friends. I am sending a hug out to each of you today to let you know I appreciate you. Thanks for reading!!
